Super Happy Fun G-Force Blog Post Bagel Head Smile Time!!!

Let me tell you a little story. At the beginning of human civilization, there were seven main groups of people: The Americans (Aztec, Mayans, and Incas), The Muslim World, China, Europe, India, Africa, and... Japan.

Japan is a nation with a rich and prosperous cultural history. Throughout the ages, Japan has given us such wonderful things as Pachinko, Godzilla, the Seven Samurai, and rickshaws. But there is also a darker side of Japan: The Japan that gave us the Toyota Prius, Hello Kitty, and atomic bomb guilt-trips.

Well, the latter Japan raised its ugly head again recently in a new fad that people call... Bagel Head. Basically, Bagel Head is when 13 ounces of silicone is injected into a person's forehead, forming a massive lump. Then, someone presses their thumb down on it, forming a bagel-like impression. Now... I usually provide a visual aide for my blog topics, but I really don't want this on my website. So, if you really must... just Google it. Graham Vert
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Let's explore the weirder side of Japanese culture with a little segment I like to call...

Japan has a long history of weirding out the rest of the world. The best example may come from the northern island of Hokkaido, where for nearly a thousand years, women have tattooed blue mustaches on their faces. They also sharpened their front teeth to a point, supposedly to make them look more catlike.

Since then, Japan has gotten stranger.

In the past 1000 years, Japan has changed from a feudal system where samurai lorded over peasants and emperors reigned supreme into a culture entirely ruled by game shows where contestants are thrown into pits of spiders naked. Every single TV show in Japan must have a title that includes the words super, happy, and fun (for instance Super Happy How I Met Your Mother Fun Time Gojira). Half of Japan's population wears schoolgirl uniforms and speaks in high-pitched squirrel voices; the other half has fu manchu mustaches and can chop you in half with their own eyelashes. All people of Japan are Pokemon masters.

Anyway, that's my little roast of Japan. But really, this is going too far. Bagel Head is like modern-day foot binding... instead of making tiny feet, they're putting rubber in people's foreheads. I think all the other nations of the world should get together and have a little intervention, where we try to get Japan to stop making crazy pills. And maybe then they can get back to the stuff that matters:

Making more poorly-subtitled anime shows about alien robots and the most perverse s*** Japanese men can come up with.

Bye!