DAY ONE: The Drive

I'm back from my long-ass trip to Crater Lake, and I have a series of pictures that will dull your mind and bore you to death! To avoid this, I will just post the pics that are actually taken well, not the ones that are just taken by a douche with a $300 Canon who thinks he's Ansel f**king Adams.

My dad and I traveled 350-odd miles from San Anselmo to Klamath Falls, Oregon, stopping only to stretch and pick up a $5 copy of Blade Runner from a gas station. It was a grueling six-hour drive, and we were numb by the end. But holy shit-- I can't feel bad for myself after driving through backwater town after backwater town in Northern California.

We begin our tour of regional shitholes in Vallejo. Vallejo is famous for:
1) Smelling like dead fish.
2) Being host to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom, along with hundreds of puking tourists who were too poor for Disneyworld.
3) Rows and rows of identical houses.
4) Several distinct types of sludge runoff. Here's a pic.

This is the lush and varied landscape of Vallejo. Vallejo is known as the "City of Opportunity," as long as that opportunity is the chance of getting abducted by a white van and waking up in a bathtub filled with ice, missing one of your kidneys. Vallejo is also home to competitive eater Joey Chestnut. In other words, the place is a shithole.

Continuing north, we hit the charming Yolo County. Yolo County is famous for having the same name as a dumbass Millennial chant, and being the ultimate tourist destination for people who enjoy staring at vast and unwavering clumps of dirt. After Yolo County, we came to a series of identical mud-farming towns, and finally ended up in Shasta County and the town of Weed.

Weed and San Francisco: One-stop-shopping. Anyway, we made our way across the border and into Midland, a nice out-of-the-way place to pick up a hitchhiker who is secretly an axe murderer and will cut your jugular vein the first chance he gets. After meandering through Klamath Falls a bit, we finally made our way to the hotel, which was basically a safe haven for rich people with golfing addictions. Then we watched In Bruges. "YOU'RE AN INANIMATE F**KING OBJECT!!!"

Anyway, that was my first day of vacation. Driving, plus more driving, plus the occasional stop in a crappy town, plus a little more driving. Stay tuned for my posts about days 2, 3, and 4!

Bye!