The Fate of the Union

AIIIIDSAKKKON!!! Hello, people who stumbled across this blog randomly! I haven't blogged for way too long (five days), so today's blog needs to be long-ish.

Let's begin with the thing that everyone has been raving about lately. The thing on everyone's minds. That wonderful show, hosted by incredibly famous people in power, which is only on once a year. Wait... am I talking about the Super Bowl or the State of the Union?

My personal bet with my dad on the Super Bowl's outcome ended up winning me six bucks. YEAH! First, I bet that the Colts would beat the Jets and make it to the Super Bowl. That got me a buck. Then we bet on Colts VS Saints and, even though I wanted the Colts to win, I bet on the Saints. Sorry, Peyton Manning. Just not your year.

But it's never really the Super Bowl that anyone watches anymore. It's the ads. I hear this year they actually sold Cheetos® some ad space on the football itself. This year, however, Doritos® won the ULTIMATE SUPER BOWL AD OLYMPICS with its latest ad. I can't really describe it to you. Let's just say it involved some idiots, some dude named Tim, and an alternate use for Doritos®: Ninja Stars.

Of course, after my long Super Bowl coverage I just had, which ate up two whole paragraphs, it's time for something much more boring. The State of the Union. And it's the subject of tonight's TOPIC OF INTEREST.

It's been a whole two weeks since Obama's historic S.O.T.U. (State of the Union), and that's been just enough time for the rabid conservatives here at G-Force to prepare their rebuttal. Hopefully it will not be given by Bobby Jindal. Here we go with...

AN OLD MAN RANT FROM BOB '5-SHOT' SELKOWITZ. The following is not typed or produced by any liberal at G-force. The editor and writer would like to sincerely apologize for the upcoming idiotic Republican rant.

In MY day, a State of the Union would be given by an intelligent, fair person who always agreed with the Republicans. This person, as you may have guessed, was Ronald Reagan. Now, unfortunately, we can't get an angel to pop out of the computer monitor when you read His name. His sons, however, are split over the tea party movement. His son Michael believes that Ronny would completely agree with the tea party movement, aka THE GREATEST CAUSE ALIVE. On the other hand, his son Ronald thinks that the great Reagan would think that Sarah Palin is the epitome of stupidity. How dare he! Doesn't he realize the immense weight he carries? If we can't count on Ron Reagan's kids to be Republicans, then the GOP is DOOMED!

Thank you, 5-Shot. That was... informative. But on to the real State of the Union that our very own Kenyan Muslim Socialist President gave... AAAAGH! He's got me doing it, too!

So, what did everyone think of this massively important speech? Well, I think it embarrassed John Boehner, seeing that by the end of it, he had turned a shade of orange that is only found on the belly of certain newts. But, since the Right was so secretive about their feelings on the speech, from when they didn't applaud to when they stayed stuck to their seats for so long I thought they had sat in gum, we may never know.

Bye!