Me: Yo!
Telemarketer: Would you consider making a donation to the human fund?
Me: No, I'm sorry. A nuclear bomb went off, so that could be a problem.
TM: Uhh... okay... come again?
Me: Maybe we'll be able to donate when the radiation dies down and the evil wolf-bees stop swarming the fallout shelters.
TM: Is the the owner of the house?
Me: I like to think so (hangs up).
I have become the master of Parcheesi. I can shake the die, call out 'nine!', roll, and get it. We did a test-- I got what I wanted 16/30 times. Mom? Not so lucky. She got it 4/30 times.
This is no longer just a game... this is my religion. I can literally mentally manipulate the dice. Maybe that's why I just won five games in a row. Or maybe it's just because I always call the lucky tigers before anyone else. They end up being either the camels, the elephants, or the water buffalos. Here's the denomination:
Tigers-- rule. Just epicly rule. They've almost never lost a game. And one of those times they lost because we did a test: My mom was the tigers and I was the water buffalos. This tells you how good I am.
Elephants-- second best. Can usually win if the tigers aren't playing, but might be able to beat them on a really, really good day (and loaded die wouldn't hurt, still).
Camels-- third best. In other words, they could sometimes beat the elephants if the tigers weren't playing. Maybe
Water buffalos-- suck. Just suck. They've only won once (see above). They just suck so bad, I can't even comprehend it. It's insane. I don't know what little green pieces of plastic shaped like water buffalos don't have that little red pieces of plastic shaped like tigers do. But whatever it is, it obviously makes a huge difference.
Bye!
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