I know they give me about 100 hits a month, but seriously, they need to calm the hell down for a while. The Queen had her diamond jubilee last week, giving everyone a moment to pause, think, and then Google what the hell 'diamond jubilee' means.
For those of you incapable of a six-second internet search, a diamond jubilee is a celebration of a monarch's 60 years on the throne. As you may remember from my 2011 post about the Royal Wedding, I despise the constant uproar over a bunch of stuffy old nutjobs who, through centuries of inbreeding, have finally attained pure and unbridled senility. I will never understand Britain. Not only do they have a bunch of out-of touch old people for a tourist attraction, but they have a food called 'spotted dick', a subway system called 'the tube', and they set up rocks out in the middle of fields in the most arbitrary ways.
WHAT THE F*** IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE??? AAARGH...
Anyway, the jubi-thingy was celebrated with a flotilla of kayaks, a pitiful fireworks show, and a fly-by that, like many things in England, got cancelled due to rain. Let's not even bother with the spectacular 75th anniversary of the Golden Gate Bridge (the most goddamn awesome bridge of all time, screw off Tower Bridge). THAT was a sight to behold.
My question is: How is the Queen alive? Is she being sustained by sucking the youth out of her subjects? Or is she actually dead, like Tupac, and is brought back for public appearances in hologram form? So many questions...
I'll just have to go back to London. Just in time for the Olympics, too...
Bye!
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