Reformers

I'm a little fearful for my safety right now. You see, my blog was just read in Albania for the first time, and it seems as if the obvious reason is my recent post about Taken 2. However, the translation might not be very good (especially the part about nuking Tirana), so I'm thinking an Albanian death squad might show up at my door soon and abduct me. Heyyyy.... that's a good plot for Taken 3.

They won't find me, though. My hometown is awesome. I can vanish into the streets of San Francisco or escape to the hills of Novato if I want to. And speaking of which, there's a big Bay Area-related news story this week: METEORITES!!!

A big red streak shot across the sky the other night, making so much God damn noise that people thought it was another earthquake. I didn't notice it (I was watching Goodfellas, and there's a lot of big booms in that movie), but I heard it was pretty awesome. A frickin' meteor landed in upper Marin. BAD-ASS. So now there's a ton of space rock enthusiasts dicking around in the hills trying to find it.

Now, does this remind you of something? The last time a meteor landed in California, THIS happened:


So be prepared for more crappy sequels.

Let's also not forget the movie Evolution, where an asteroid full of microbes landed in the Mojave Desert and they evolved into a bunch of crazy mutant creatures... yeah, okay. It was kind of bad.

In other non-alien related news, Paul Ryan f**ked up again. Sorry, did I say NON-alien related? Anyway... the Vice-Presidential hopeful apparently barged into a soup kitchen in a pathetic attempt to feel the plight of the working stiff. He did many helpful things, including pissing off everyone who actually worked there and cleaning plates that were already clean.

Also, Romney and his cronies are trying to undo the damage done by his piddling little debate performance last week. The third and final debate is on Monday, so be prepared. My only concern is that my mom might not let me watch it. The Giants have a playoff game then. But for a little more election fun, click on one of the following links:
The Real Mitt Romney
Romney Style
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY: Romney V Obama

Bye!

Just Biden His Time

I've had an eventful week at school, so I haven't been able to blog for a few days. Not only did I go on a field trip to a movie theater where the projector broke (awesome), but I ended up going to see Looper again with some of the peeps today. Also, on Thursday night, I had to go to a Mountain Bike Club meeting thingy, so now I have to write this post at 9:30.

The big news that I missed, obviously, was the 2012 VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE OF VICE-PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE-NESS!!! Joe Biden and Paul Ryan had a sit-down and really had at it on Thursday, and it was pretty awesome. I wasn't able to watch the entire thing (because of the aforementioned thingy), but what I saw was impressive.

People usually write off Joe Biden as the tongue-tied old guy who plagiarized the British labour leader's stump speech and got tons of hair plugs. But he was perfect in the debate. Not only did he bring up the 47% statistic (which Obama failed to do), but he worked Grover Norquist, anti-war sentiment, and several stinging attacks on Romney into the debate too. Now, some Republicans are calling Biden's comments 'offensive' and 'disrespectful', but it's really about time someone laid down the law for these f***ing Republicans.

Biden was just as outraged as everyone should be over some of the things the GOP has been burping up these days. Not only did he bring a welcome amount of reality to the table, he was a lot more LITERAL than Ryan. Let me explain:

So far, all I've seen Paul Ryan do is talk about vague, metaphysical concepts. He'll respond to a question without actually responding to it. Example:

"Congressman Ryan, why do you think your tax plan will create jobs for this country when countless studies have shown that tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans slows economic growth?"

"Well, I love that question {Name of interviewer}. Thank you so much for asking it. It's the first thing that goes through my head when I wake up in the morning and the last that goes through my head when I go to sleep. I believe that our economy is the best economy, and that our systems are the best systems. I believe that taxing our sacred institutions of small business would destroy economic growth, and that is how I plan to bring jobs back to America. Thank you and goodnight."

You see what I mean? I'm paraphrasing, of course, but the guy never backs up his ludicrous claims with any... how do you say it... FACTS. Maybe I'm biased, but I think Biden won hands down. A debate is really decided by who goes on the offense and who plays defense. And Biden never let up on this slippery little screwball from Wisconsin at all.

Anyway, the next presidential debate is next week, and it'll be interesting to see if Obama just flubbed the first one to make Biden look better. I'm looking forward to it, but I really don't like hearing Mitt Romney talk. It makes my ears bleed.

Bye!

Romney-Ryan 2012: "The Pasty Ticket"

Mitt Romney has officially announced his running mate, declaring this morning that 42-year-old Wisconsin senator PAUL RYAN will be his VP nominee. Now, I can't prove this, but for the past week, I have been telling everyone that Romney was going to pick Ryan. It's f***ing uncanny.

Now, the unusual thing about this is that while the VP is usually supposed to balance the ticket (by being of a different race, gender, or heritage than the President), Ryan does absolutely dick. He is a White Obnoxious Republican Male (WORM), and does nothing to appeal to voters any more than Romney already does. The only difference between the two is their religion, which hasn't factored nearly as much in the political climate as it usually would. In fact, Obama got more flak for 'Being a secret Muslim' than Romney does for actually being a Mormon. You would think the Christian Right would be gnawing at his heels by now.

LOOK AT THIS GUY!!! He looks like an expressionless CHINA DOLL!!! Oh God, look away, he's staring into my SOUL!!! everlasting light

Anyway, that's that. I'm looking forward to the Biden-Ryan debates. Ryan does have one thing over him, though-- correct me if I'm wrong, but he's never needed hair plugs.

Bye!