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Monday, August 2, 2010

Greatness, thy name is Me

Is it just me, or do the following two things look frighteningly similar?
By the way, the reason these images are so lopsided is because the new format for Google Image is incompatible with this blog site, so I'm unable to upload the images in my usual way.
Those are the Star Trek and Acura logos. Gee, any similarities?
And now, for your viewing pleasure, I present... the COMPLETE CHRONOLOGY OF MY LIFE!!!
November 8, 1997-- I was born. Wheeee!
December 26, 1997-- Learned to pickpocket. Stole some hobo's change.
April 22, 1998-- Bred frogs in the toilet and sold them as pets. I was remarkably mature for my age.
October 3, 1998-- Blew my newfound millions on a Monet, which I accidentally spilled finger paint on.
January 29, 1999-- Started bogus internet rumor about the Y2K bug that would scramble and destroy all the world's computers. Who knew it would catch on?
July 4, 1999-- Blew up a ferris wheel at a carnival using plastic explosives.
August 9, 1999-- Opened my swiss bank account (Zurich Savings and Loans, account number 8841315).
November 25, 1999-- Split the atom.
November 26, 1999-- Grounded for splitting the atom in our garage.
February 4, 2000-- Went to work for Al Gore under the alias Billy Arasachra.
June 18, 2000-- Bribed city officials and laundered money.
December 12, 2000-- Swore at TV, cursed Bush's name.
April 8, 2001-- Became official puppet master for 18 congressmen.
September 11, 2001-- Swore at TV, punched glass, went to emergency room.
October 1, 2001-- Held fake funeral for Billy Arasachra. Oops. Fortunately, no one opened the casket.
March 14, 2002-- Made contacts in Kuwait, organized a gun-running team for the resistance force.
April 17, 2002-- Told Bernie Madoff "Why don't you just start a ponzi scheme or something?" Sorry, everyone, but it was a joke, and he was low on cash...
June 24, 2002-- Met Louis Gomez for the first time. At that time, he was living in Bogata smuggling drugs. Fortunately, I was able to convince him to earn an honest living using his former drug-running ship as a pleasure cruise.
June 30, 2002-- Me and Gomez become shipwrecked (along with a group of somewhat disgruntled passengers) on the coast of a South American country. I don't know which one to this day, but I'm pretty sure it was Suriname.
July 15, 2002-- RESCUED! Everyone except a few passengers, who didn't make it across the Amazon. Damn piranha!
December 31, 2002-- Fell into a punch bowl at Rob Robert's New Year's Eve Party. I believe a rhinoceros was involved.
February 7, 2003-- Made 9.1 billion repairing wrecked Kuwaiti oil wells.
May 2, 2003-- Experimented with nerve gas in the garage.
August 5, 2003-- Accidentally launched a round of nerve gas into an Uzbekistani forward unit (this is where it gets interesting).

TO BE CONTINUED...

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