Attack of the Donald

Well, it's finally happened. Obama released his birth certificate two days ago, and now we in the news have a problem:

THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT!!! AAAAAAAAGH!!!

Fortunately, Donald Trump came to our rescue with his ridiculous speech and black helicopter emblazoned with the Trump name. I guess he had it put there so he wouldn't keep forgetting it. In the interview, The Donald was able to deflect difficult questions like a pro. They bounced off of him like bullets off of Superman!

I'm such a nerd.

Anyway, Trump isn't finished by far. He has now declared a search for Obama's college papers. I don't think these people will stop until they uncover his sixth grade report cards. It's all part of Trump's plan to transform this country and change the White House into...

The Trump House and Casino resort. Yeah, that's right.

Am I the only one who finds Trump revolting? Not only has he slapped his name on everything from Atlantic City Casinos to collectable shot glasses, he's found a way to get free publicity out for the Trump name: run for president. The press HAS to cover him, because A) He's a celebrity, and B) He's running for the highest office in the country. And the more publicity he gets, the bigger the Trump brand/name/collectable shot glass market gets, and the more money gets delivered to whatever creatures that are living in his hair via pneumatic tube.

It's a vicious circle. And seeing that I, while on the very edge of relevance, am part of the press, I am bound by the secret media code of conduct to report on Trump. So here's my report: He is an unqualified, vulgar, over excessive human parasite who feeds off of media coverage and camera attention and uses his former glory as an obscenely rich a**hole and his TV show to work his name into every aspect of American life.

But that's just my opinion.

Bye!