War and... Actually, Not That Much Peace

So, every once in a while, I feel compelled to stop my relentless mockery of Republicans and focus on the world at large. And, unfortunately, it's not very uplifting. Brace yourselves for some really, really violent s***.

We begin in Afghanistan. Hoo boy. Here we go. Remember that crazy guy in Florida who wanted to burn the Koran? Well, here's what happened: He finally got around to it. Him and his 30-or-so followers (thank god it's not any more than that) decided to hold a Koran-burning festival at their little church. There was no media coverage, but they did make a video and post it on YouTube. Well, when Afghanistan finally got around to seeing it, they... hm... let's put it this way. They didn't like it.

They REALLY didn't like it.

Twelve people ended up being killed over this. Now, I have to say something to Pastor Jones, the guy who burned the Koran. If you are reading this (and I'm sure you're not, you're probably too busy opening up death-threat-filled envelopes), then I have only one thing to tell you.

F you. Just F you. In fact, the word that obviously belongs there doesn't even BEGIN to sum up how much I hate this guy. He is the definition of bigoted. Just screw him.

Anyway, let's move on to the Ivory Coast, a country you didn't even know existed until a week ago. In this small African nation, president Laurent Gbagbo lost his re-election bid to his rival Alassane Ouattara. WARNING: Trying to pronounce Alassane Ouattara can result in severe tongue knots. So that means it's time for another bloodbath. Forces loyal to Ouattara and forces loyal to Gbagbo are battling it out. Anyway, there's a civil war going on there, and... oh, what's that? Oh. Apparently Ivory Coast has no oil.

Moving on, Libya is still in complete turmoil/quagmire. Barry O has launched Operation: Odyssey Dawn, which combines a greek myth where nearly everyone on the good side is killed by monsters and enemy forces with a sunrise. Anyway, Qadaffi has given us an option: He will leave power if:

1) His son, Saif (AKA 'Mini-Me') will take control of Libya in his place

2) Qadaffi gets a 'Get-out-of-jail-free' card, absolving him of all responsibility for the atrocities on Libya.

Now, there's even another catch: No one but Saif and Qadaffi himself know if Qadaffi even agreed to this. So, as you see, we have a problem. The rebels, of course, turned this offer down immediately, saying that this may not end the carnage, and that they already had enough of a problem with Geraldo Rivera among their front lines.

So, to sum it all up, people keep dying everywhere. If this isn't enough to turn you into a pessimist, I don't know what can.

Bye!