Fear There and Everywhere

Well, disaster has narrowly been averted. At 11:00, one hour before the deadline, congress passed a budget plan. This means my secession has to be postponed even further. What a shame. I was really looking forward to being sovereign ruler of Marinistan.

Off in Ivory Coast (or, if you're a snob, Cote D'ivoire), the small country has officially joined the Unstable African Nation Club, along with every single other country in Africa besides Madagascar. I'm told that Namibia has already sent Ivory Coast a welcoming gift basket filled with AK-47s.

Anyway, the civil war seems to be winding down, as self-declared president for life (which may not last long) Laurent Gbagbo has been arrested in his house by forces loyal to Alassane Ouattara. In the process of the war, thousands of people died. Hee, hee. See, it's funny, 'cause it's human suffering.

Meanwhile in Japan, nuclear waste keeps leaking out/heating up the ocean. As I've said before, this could result in the rise of Godzilla. But, on the brighter side, Japanese officials were able to rescue a dog on a roof. So there's a silver lining.

But, fortunately, we have something to take us all away from that. It's called Glenn Beck leaving FOX 'News'. Last night Jon Stewart totally gave Beck an ass-kicking in his incredible Beck impersonation. Click HERE to visit The Daily Show's website and watch what may be the funniest thing ever.

Bye!