Talking About You Behind Your Beck

I have heard the most amazing news of all history. Bigger than the Eagle landing on the moon. Bigger than capturing Bigfoot. Bigger than Obama being elected. Bigger than the iPad 2. No. This is incredible.

Glenn Beck may be out of a job.

Now, you all know my opinion already. So in the interest of bipartisanship here at G-Force, I'll let this particular story be covered by our 'good' 'friend', Bob Selkowitz. It's time for THE DOUCHEBAG REPORT with our only Republican correspondent. But first, the classic initial disclaimer.

The following rabid right-wing rant is in no way sponsored or encouraged by any liberal at G-force. Democratic viewer discretion is advised. If you experience explosive kidneys, reticulated metacarpels, or even loss of life due to this segment, contact your doctor, as THE DOUCHEBAG REPORT may not be right for you.

Friends, we now must face the greatest challenge that we can as Republicans. Our greatest ally, Glenn Beck, is up for a contract renewal with FOX 'News' in December, and already FOX is hinting that they won't bring Glenn back. Sure, he's lost FOX nearly 300 sponsors. In his defense, he can easily plead insanity. And sure, he's lost 1/3rd of his viewership. But does this really matter? He is beloved by a wide range of people, from Republican white male Texans to Republican white male Kentuckians. Republican white male congressmen from all over the south think Glenn is great. So why the problem?

Okay, maybe it was the constant utterances of Obama being a Muslim. Or the overused blackboard. Or the ever-growing amount of books that he's written that are piling up on my shelf. I'd read them, but as a Republican, I don't care too much for books.

Yeah, okay. I'm gonna stop Bob right there. He's not exactly making a very convincing argument. Then again, it's not really possible to. Even the world champion college debate team couldn't win this argument.

Bye!