Ich Bin Ein Zombie VI: KHAAAAAAAN!!!

In the hills of Uzbekistan, I lay huddled in the snow, surrounded by my sherpa brigade. It was there that I saw a massive army of zombies marching up the path we had come on. Their torches shone bright in the night, and I could hear their evil chanting from below. As they strode off into the night, I snuck in behind them. Seeing as I was already a zombie, I blended right in.

I overheard the zombies saying that they were on a mission to destroy the one thing that could reverse the nuclear fission's effect on humanity. We ended up at the edge of an enormous uncharted precipice. One zombie fell in, and we never heard him hit the ground below. We followed a trail down the cliff face and ended up in a smoky, steamy area where I could see the lead zombie remove a massive stone obelisk from the smoke. Inside, I knew, was Genghis Khan's tomb.

Instantly, I drew my revolver, and started blowing off some zombie heads. It was just like COD zombies, in which you fight off relentless hordes of the undead. Epic.

Whatever. Because of my zombies training, I was able to outwit them by jumping on top of the obelisk. Zombies, for some reason, can't climb, which helped me out a LOT. Finally, only one zombie was left: the lead zombie. And then I recognized him:

Gomez.

I opened up the obelisk and used it to separate me from the Gomez Zombie. Inside was Khan's body, perfectly preserved. But there was also a blinking red light. Then I noticed the entire inside of the obelisk was covered in flashing lights and digital messages. I picked up an item from inside; it looked like a gun. I accidentally pressed a button, and ZAP! Gomez had vanished. The thing had vaporized him.

Then I heard a hum from above. I ran outside the cave and looked up to see a massive alien ship descending down the cliff face. They teleported Khan's tomb, body, and everything inside, and lifted off.

Yeah, that's right. Khan was an alien. Unfortunately, that didn't help me much. I needed to undo the zombie curse. I jumped on top of the ship and held on. Using my swiss army knife, I cut an entrance to the ship's interior. The stuff they used for the hull was a thin and pliable as swiss cheese. I jumped in and grabbed the weapon, setting it on Zom-B-Gone. I pulled the trigger, and leapt out the hull of the ship before the aliens could move.

I parachuted to the ground, where everything was back to normal. All the zombies were alive again (except for the ones I shot up. Heh, heh). When I flew the jet home, everyone in Marin County was back to normal, although everyone wondered how the blood got all over the walls. Whatever.

Just goes to show you-- kids know more than they're letting on.

Bye!