Bail Me Out, Part II

ALL RIGHT!!! IT'S BEEN OVER A MONTH SINCE I ASKED FOR A CORPORATE BAILOUT!!! I'm sure that I've accumulated a massive amount of greenbacks! Let's check the official Cash Counter® to see how much money I've received.

And the total comes to...

$17.26!!! Oh, never mind. That's just my allowance and some dough I found on the ground. Still waiting for that check, Feds.

I have two blog announcements to make: First off, I deleted my 'Obama VS Nute Gunray' video, for the simple reason that it was just way too bad. Having the president and a fictional character from the Star Wars universe duke it out over health care reform is just a little too weird for me. In its' place I have a legal disclaimer which is probably more interesting than the video itself was.

And secondarily, for ink conserving reasons, the feature 'An old man rant with Bob Selkowitz' will be toned down to the following: A CYNICAL TIRADE OF REPUBLICAN-NESS with your host, Bob Selkowitz.

Isn't that much better? And if you want to print this blog out (trust me, you don't), then you can conserve ink cartridges, too! And speaking of which, it's time for...

A CYNICAL TIRADE OF REPUBLICAN-NESS with your host, Bob Selkowitz.

Back in the good old days of the founding fathers, no one needed today's so-called 'medicine' or 'science'. If you got sick or died, it was because of ill humors, not 'cancer' or 'old age' or 'being mortal'. Things were so much simpler back then. But now, people are questioning everything. If I think that drinking Vaseline® is good for me, that's my business. So scientists: STAY OUT OF OUR HOMES!!! I don't want a 'doctor' telling me to take pills, or a 'dentist' telling me to brush with Crest®, or a 'scientist' telling me that the migratory patterns of monarch butterflies should affect my life. CHAOS THEORY MY ASS!!! Don't believe me? On 'NOVA' the other week, they had a program about butterflies. I watched about two minutes of it before being bored out of my mind. Why should I care about this thing?

Pretty.

The point is, science should not pertain to any aspect of my life. God gave us all free will, so I guess it was inevitable that some drunken guy named Charles Darwin went to the Galapagos Islands for spring break, snorted some finches, and decided to write a book about it. If these heathens want to reject God, fine. Just don't try to indoctrinate me. This is why I've paid the cable company extra to just give me two channels: FOX and that channel that carries World's Biggest Loser. Or maybe they're the same. But still: I don't want some scientist barging into my TV like they do on the Discovery Channel and tell me that earthquakes are caused by tectonic 'plates' underneath the 'crust' of the 'Earth'. If I think that it's just God jiggling the globe because he's mad at Haiti...

...that's MY business!!!