Hello, hello, hello, people who are wasting their time reading this blog! But if you are in fact reading this, don't go away. I need the readership. Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is the GOP, and specifically, Michael Steele. Democrats have come to love Michael, as he is currently the main provider of Republican scandals, ranging from wasting funds and causing the GOP's money to dwindle from 23 million dollars to only 8 million, to apparently having people in his inner circle to visit a 'lesbian bondage club' in LA. Ouch. This guy's in deeep shitake mushrooms.
People all over the country have been criticizing Steele, but here's the kicker: The GOP doesn't want to fire Steele from his position as a chairman of the Republican National Committee because they're afraid that they'll appear racist (if I didn't mention this before, Mikey here is African-American). He's the very first African-American to actually serve on the RNC, and if the GOP fires him, let's just say that Keith Olbermann will have a field day.
Today's pearl of anti-wisdom: No man with friends is a failure--- provided that his friends aren't imaginary.
And now for the first use of my new feature (to replace MASTER PLAN), called SCATHINGLY BRILLIANT IDEAS!!! My brilliant idea for today has to do with America's new favorite pastime, 3-D movies!!!
3-D movies have actually been around for quite a while, but we've only started getting back into them around December 2009, when Avatar became the highest grossing movie ever, causing it to also become the best movie ever (the dollars have spoken!!! Sorry, Star Wars). The only downside is that you still have to wear uncomfortable, clunky, awkward 3-D glasses. People have been complaining all over the place. So, my brilliant solution? MAKE A GIANT
3-D GLASSES LENSE, AND COVER THE SCREEN WITH IT!!! As far as I know, it'll work great!!! And there's no downside at all!!! So IN YOUR FACE, 3-D movies! With one paragraph in an obscure, barely known blog, I've solved your industries' biggest problem!
And now it's time for...
A CYNICAL TIRADE OF REPUBLICAN-NESS with your host, Bob Selkowitz.
It's the end of the world. My god, I'm going to jump off a cliff. OBAMA IS BACKING OFFSHORE DRILLING!!! AAAAAAAAGH!!! HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD! At this very moment, dogs must be eating monkeys! The north and south poles must be switched! Everything is upside-down and backwards!!! That's it. If Obama's going to say 'Drill, Baby, Drill', I think I might just shoot myself right now.
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE STAND BY.
Okay, I'm going to have to end this blog right now. We need to get Bob Selkowitz to the emergency room.
Bye!!!
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