Another thing I missed last week was the finale to the Republican Presidential Race, which all but ended when Rick Santorum pulled out a few days ago. HALLELUJAH!!! Some may say that Santorum SHOULD have been the nominee, just so that Obama would beat him easily, but I disagree. I think that anyone that stupid shouldn't be allowed so close to the presidency. And besides, I have very little confidence in the Democratic Party to run an aggressive campaign (AHEM, Kerry).
But none of that matters now. Santorum officially ended his candidacy in a good, homespun concession rant. The worst thing about this primary is that Santorum isn't even the craziest one to run. We had a Pokemon-singing pizza mogul, a Texan governor who couldn't spell 'cat' if you spotted him the A and the T, and a crazy old perpetual candidate who thinks we should let coma patients die.
Which brings me to Gingrich. Yes, Newt Gingrich, whose enormous head still couldn't store his ego. He's not giving up quite so fast. In fact, he's not giving up EVER. This is what Gingrich's concession speech is going to look like:
"To the last, I will grapple with thee... from Hell's heart, I stab at thee! For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee!"
By the way, if you liked that, you'll like my new off-Broadway play, 'Bad comparisons between the 2012 Presidential Race and Star Trek, aided along by some of the lousiest photoshop you've ever seen'.
So, will Gingrich drop? Never. He would sooner die. At Romney's acceptance speech for the nomination, Gingrich will swing down from the rafters dressed like Mel Gibson in 'Braveheart' and stab Romney square between the eyes. He will then grab the mic, thank everyone for his nomination, and escape in the confusion.
Or at least, that's the convention I'D like to see.
Bye!
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