Secret Service Scandal Spectacular!!!

There's been another incident at my school, White Hill Middle School. Some sixth grader cracked his head open on the pavement, and was driven off by the paramedics. It's pretty intense, seeing as in the past few months, some guy tried to pole-vault over a gate and busted his hand clean open and another person was smashed into a locker and broke their arm. Our school isn't particularly violent--- it's just excessively apathetic. And it's like my friend Benny said: We needed to shake things up a little.

It's possible, of course, that they were just trying to commit suicide after bombing the Math STAR Test. I'll have my final answers for you by tomorrow.

There's been a series of events recently that I feel obliged to comment on. They're saying that it could rock the foundation of this presidency. So, without further ado, I give you... my new segment:

Yeah, it's some pretty good Photoshop. And by the way, if you couldn't tell, the reflection in the Ray-Bans is a hooker.

Like I said, there's been a scandal. The Secret Service has been douchin' around in Colombia, hiring hookers and haggling on prostitution costs. This strikes me as odd, seeing as there must be more fun things to do in Colombia than sit in a hotel room haggling with a hooker about what the cost is.

But this reminds us all that the Secret Service is human. And like the rest of us, they have certain needs, that can only be amplified after sitting in a room with Joe Biden. And speaking of the Executive Branch, check out Obama's speech at the White House Correspondent's Dinner 2012 by clicking HERE.

In other, more frivolous news, a bratty kid has become a national phenomenon. And no, I'm not talking about Rush Limbaugh. During a Rangers-Yankees game, an engaged couple caught a foul ball a few feet away from a little kid. The freaking brat threw a gigantic temper tantrum, leading people to call the couple 'insensetive' and 'heartless'. I say, let that kid cry. He will literally grow up to be a douchebag if he isn't told at an early age that you can't always get what you want.

BUT IF YOU TRY SOMETIMES... YOU JUST MIGHT FIND...

YOU GET WHAT YOU NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!

Bye!