Crimea River

Well, I've had an interesting weekend. On Friday, I was sick, so I stayed home from school (THANK THE GODS!). Of course, I had the common cold, which is the disease I've been studying since early January for the Disease Project... oh, irony is a cruel mistress. Anyway, I'm back in top health and I'm ready to be unproductive and write blog posts instead of doing that Spanish video I probably should have gotten around to... ah, well.

Our top story today is, of course, the ever-escalating situation in the Crimean peninsula in Ukraine-- er... Russia. Vladimir Putin has officially begun the annexation of the territory by sending in troops to occupy Crimea's pizza places, casinos, and strip clubs. Ukraine has recently ordered a troop withdrawal as the Russians seize naval bases and key strategic areas. Meanwhile, the G8 officially booted Russia out from their club, leaving them as merely the G7. Of course, Putin doesn't care... because in Soviet Russia, the president assassinates YOU!

This is all the result of an election last week that showed that 105% of Crimean voters wanted to join Russia. Although these results are disputed by some, they seem pretty legitimate to me. I mean, it's not like Putin sent thousands of KGB agents into Crimea to stuff ballot boxes and execute anyone who stood in their way, right? That's silly. The big problem here is that this is all moving a lot too fast for the taste of President Obama, whose Red Line, Deadline, and Pretty Please With A Cherry On Top strategies have all proven ineffective thus far. Meanwhile, Putin continues to seize land and ride around shirtless with his gymnast girlfriend. Seriously... I couldn't make stuff like this up.

She'll annex Ukraine... after annexing your heart.

So the big question is whether or not Obama will have to back down and sacrifice a little dignity in order to avoid World War III, or even worse... World War Z (seriously, that movie was crap). So is this the conflict that will finally lead to the long-awaited and much-anticipated sequel to the critically acclaimed World War II? I say no. This is much too silly a dispute to lead to a global conflict of such a major scale. Recently in human history, we've been figuring out how to avoid massive wars through diplomacy and the fact that any country, even FRANCE, is capable of reducing the entire planet to a nuclear wasteland. If we do have a World War III... it's going to be because of a certain fat man-child dictator invading another country using nuclear bombs made out of twigs and boulders.

So rest easy. Bye!

Game of Drones: Episode III: Drone.com

My school is just incredibly surreal. It's pretty bad. Literally, every day I get out of bed now and say to myself "Okay, there's no way life could get any weirder." And then I go to school... and somehow it does. I have had to put up with a militant PE teacher who insists on calling frisbees 'discs' and has an 'integrity fetish', a mentally challenged poetry 'consultant' who spent a whole class showing us unbelievably horrible videos like THIS one, a math teacher who sends people to the office for asking questions, and a science teacher with absolutely no social skills whatsoever. Not to mention the students, who have had long conversations about dead babies, personalized bongs, murder, insanity, and some of the most perverse shit known to man. I honestly don't know how much longer I can take this before I lose my mind. Thank God for winter break... but first I have to put up with finals.

The good news is, my maps went over well at school. And that's a good thing, because if they hadn't, I would have set the field on fire. They took me 18 hours, and by the end I was seeing cross-eyed and had a splitting headache. I literally had an out-of-body experience where I watched the entire room dissolve into dust, then spin down a whirlpool. I think I need to get some sleep.

But sadly I can't sleep well tonight, because Amazon.com has just announced a program for package delivery via drone. So I'm a little afraid that my recent order of five DVDs could get mixed up, and result in me being firebombed in my sleep. But this could actually be a really positive development: Obama can now trade Amazon some drones in exchange for a working website! OOOH! PRESIDENTIAL BUUUUURN!!!



Oh, he's got such a good sense of humor about these things.

This is just another example of how modern technology is passing the postal service by. I mean, Amazon has drones, and the USPS has only just now started delivering packages via catapult. Ridiculous. But honestly, does this not seem a little suspiciously reminiscent of The Terminator? I mean, who's to say that SkyNet won't take these drones over when it gains sentience, and use them as kamikaze fighters that blow up your house? I mean, they already know where you live...

Isn't technology awful? It's just... separating us... and all interpersonal relationships will soon be gone. It's so sad OH MY GOD I'M SOUNDING LIKE MY ENGLISH TEACHER. Shit! I need to go home and rethink my life...

Bye!

Affordable Brain Aneurysm

Well, I've done another weird thing for school... I had to draw an Immune System Diagram for my biology class, and it had to be accurate and scientific. However, we were allowed to use anything we wanted as icons to represent the cells, viruses, antibodies, etc. So I decided to create a diagram in the spirit of Caging. Caging, for those of you who aren't up to date on your memes, is the practice of photoshopping Nicolas Cage's face onto random things. If you're confused about why this is hilarious, click HERE. Anyway, I drew Nic Cage's immune system, with little Nic Cage faces (which I drew myself) drawn to represent the cells. The Macrophage became the Macrocage, and the viruses became bees. If THAT confuses you, two things: Watch The Wicker Man, and click HERE.

But as funny as Nicolas Cage's face on random shit is, I can't devote an entire blog post to it. Which is why, to celebrate the Democrat's incredible victory on the debt ceiling battle, I decided to sign up for Obamacare online. As you may know, the website that people are supposed to use to sign up for the Affordable Care Act has been beleaguered by criticism ever since it was opened a few weeks ago. The server goes down occasionally, the connection is weak, the process is convoluted, and even the calculator doesn't work. Really? You'd think that they could have gotten that right. Because, you know... they're friggin' everywhere.

Anyway, I signed up for Obamacare yesterday, but I don't fully remember what happened. Fortunately, I had a video camera and audio feed recording everything that happened, which I then rewatched and wrote a running commentary on. The pros? I got in. The cons? Well... here we go...



00:05-- Within five minutes, I turn on the computer, make a cup of coffee, crack my knuckles, and get ready to fill out some forms.
00:09-- After a few Google searches, I finally locate the website. Huh. You'd think that would be a little easier...
00:10-- Click on website.
1:17-- Website loads.
1:20-- One hour in, and this website is beginning to test my resolve.
1:27-- After stabbing my computer screen repeatedly with a kitchen knife, I click on the right link. This immediately downloads 5,000 gigabytes of malware and viruses onto my hard drive.
1:42-- Wipe cookies. Note: This is not the last time I will have to do this.
2:04-- Smash coffee cup out of pure anger and desperation.
2:35-- Click the correct link (finally). I am greeted with a form in English, which for some reason goes into Spanish and then French. What the hell? You have to be trilingual just to read the directions.
2:52-- "Glitch" in the system lists my cat as my father-in-law.
3:09-- Cookie wipe #2.
3:18-- The accursed spinning beach ball of death.
3:20-- System requires immediate payment of  "1 (one) arm and 1 (one) leg, to be mailed to your local government office accordingly and filed."
3:25 to 3:48-- In the garage with the ol' hacksaw.
3:51-- A quick re-read of the form makes me realize that the website asks for your NON-dominant arm. Shit.
4:00-- Bleeding out. Healthcare is, sadly, not helping me much here.
4:20-- Blaze it.
4:32-- Cookie wipe #3.
4:45 to 4:57-- Mostly screaming, accompanied by fits of unbridled rage. The keyboard gets thrown out the window.
5:12-- System finally makes my account. Oh, joyous day.
5:13-- System unfortunately listed my first name as "Ghram." Never mind; pressing on.
5:24-- After spinning my head around Exorcist-style for eleven minutes, I projectile vomit all over the room.
5:40-- System creates health care plan for me, at long last. It will cost $613 a month, up $613 from my previous health care plan, "Do whatever the hell you want and go to the ER if you get sick."
5:52-- My laptop, already under extreme duress, catches on fire.
6:02-- Pass out.

The moral of the story? Yes, it IS possible to sign up for Obamacare! It's just really, really, really, REALLY time-consuming, painful, and mentally scarring. Anyway, I'm going to bed to rest my tired limb. 'Night!

SHUTDOWN 2013

One of the biggest news stories I missed during my two-month hiatus was the government shitdown-- er-- shutdown. I have been predicting something to this effect for years, however I was slightly off. In my initial projections, an asteroid would head for Earth, threatening to destroy humanity. Congress would OK a bill to use all of our natural resources to destroy the asteroid, but Republicans in the House would hold out to attach riders to the bill slashing the EPA and Obamacare. Democrats, of course, would refuse, and the Earth would subsequently be destroyed.

Fortunately, we're not faced with such a cataclysmic event, but instead we're sitting around with basically no government. It's day twelve of the shutdown, and there is chaos in the streets. Of course, I'm not seeing any of that here in San Anselmo. If there are riots around here, us Marinites raise the drawbridges and fill the moats with piranhas. We then allow the rest of the world to continue on falling into anarchy while we sit back and enjoy our spas, nail salons, and scented candle stores. God, no wonder the rest of the country hates us.

Meanwhile, President Barack Hussein Achmed Abu-Mohammed Bin Achmed Obama is doing his best to get the House and Congress to agree on something... anything... but it's harder than it looks. Which is saying something, because from where I'm sitting, it looks pretty damn hard. In short, none of the Tea Party Republicans will raise the debt ceiling, because they want to defund Obamacare. Obama needs to save face, so he refuses to give in YET AGAIN. This is what happens... when an unstoppable force meets... an immovable object...



Oh, I'm sure you all have missed my scathing political commentary.

Anyway, while Obama and Boehner battle it out in DC, the rest of us are stuck in a state of total shock. The National Parks Service has shut down all of the parks. Federal government employees aren't getting paid. The infrastructure is collapsing! THE UNIVERSE IS TEARING ITSELF APART AT THE SEAMS!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

Actually, no. None of that is happening. In fact, I haven't noticed anything different in my life since the government shut down. We're nearly two weeks into it, and there hasn't been a single riot, mugging, shooting, arson, robbery, blitzkrieg, genocide, school shooting, explosion, or YouTube stunt gone horribly wrong in my whole town. It's almost as if the government shutdown didn't really matter, because they weren't doing anything in the first place. Nah, that's ridiculous...

Bye!

White House Down

Sometimes, I find that I'm bored with 'cerebral thrillers' and 'thought-provoking sci-fi', so I need to kick back, relax, and watch some really stupid entertainment. And the film I saw today, White House Down, is just that. It plays like Channing Tatum's test run for a Die Hard reboot, which (although slanderous) is certainly not the worst option for the continuation of the series (the worst being keeping Bruce Willis on as a bald old coot).

White House Down stars Tatum and Jamie Foxx of Django Unchained fame. Foxx is surprisingly good as the president, whose name I cannot remember, and will therefore refer to as Barack Obama. I say this because Roland Emmerich (the maestro of destruction who gave us such great films as Independence Day and 2012) clearly cast him because of his resemblance to the current president. And dammit, I wish Obama was really this badass. Sure, he apparently shoots skeet, but does he drive around the White House lawn with a rocket launcher shooting at terrorists?

Sticking to the aforementioned Die Hard formula, Channing Tatum plays John Cale (not John McClane), a rogue cop in the wrong place at the wrong time (still not John McClane) who has to escape a building that's been taken over by terrorists (no, not Alan Rickman) and stop their maniacal hacker (still not Die Hard) by climbing through secret passageways and elevator shafts (seriously, how much shit will this thing steal from Die Hard?). Someone close to him is taken hostage (his daughter, not his wife) and he has to save her from the terrorists who want him dead for killing their compatriots (yeah, it's pretty much Die Hard). Helicopters are sent in to take the terrorists out (again, Die Hard), but they're taken down in an elaborate explosion sequence (hey, what's that other movie that this happens in... oh, right, Die Hard).

Despite blatantly stealing from the greatest action film ever, White House Down is still amazingly fun to watch. It's easily one of the best White House takeover terrorist movies made in 2013. And that's not a joke, does anyone remember Olympus Has Fallen from a few months ago? Yeah, I didn't think so. And as another aside, Emmerich apparently couldn't resist making a little reference to Independence Day in this movie by having a tour guide MENTION THE MOVIE ITSELF! So now he's doing product placement FOR his movies IN his movies! I swear to God...
     

Yeah... so subtle. Seriously, how did Emmerich not get sued? It's Die Hard down to every last detail. Except in this one, the terrorists are all against each other, some want nuclear launch codes, some are white supremacists, and some (spoiler alert) want to become president. But I'll leave that for you to figure out as the movie progresses.

Actually, I won't-- The Speaker of the House is evil in this movie, and planned a coordinated attack in order to kill both the president and the vice-president and assume command. His goal is to prevent Jamie Foxx's Middle East peace process and help his buddies in the military industrial complex get rich off of war profiteering. And no, unfortunately, Dick Cheney turned down the role. Bummer; he wouldn't have even needed to act.

Kidding aside, as much as I get pissed with Republicans, there's an awful lot of right-bashing in this movie. Every terrorist has some ties with a right-wing organization or something. And although that does add some realism to the film, I don't know if now is a good time to piss off our rural Pennsylvania voters who cling to their guns and religion.

Final Score for White House Down? 6/10 stars. It's an enormous rip-off, but it somehow manages to be entertaining nonetheless. An absolute thrill ride with no brain in it whatsoever. Prepare to be amazed.

Bye!

Putting the Mental in Governmental: Part III: Prism Schism

Hey, guess what I'm typing this on? Two guesses. No, not my dinky iPod screen. And no, not my parent's computer either. Yes, good readers, I am writing you from my brand-new HP laptop, a marvel of human engineering. Why watch 24 on your iPhone when you can watch it in high-definition on a 15-inch screen? Yeah, I couldn't think of a reason either.

I'm pretty satisfied with life right now. Finals are over, and my Geometry and Science tests were in fact far easier than I thought they would be. School's out, and I can now look forward to 10 whole weeks of doing what I do best: NOTHING PRODUCTIVE WHATSOEVER. Except summer reading. And community service. And the 'summer engagement project', in which I have to find something that inspires me and create a project around it. The catch: Some of it has to be outdoors, and I just got a laptop, so... yeah. That probably won't work out.

But I can't take a total break from news in order to talk about my BRAND NEW FRIGGIN' AWESOME LAPTOP, so it's time to talk about boring shit. Yep, the f**kin' whistle blowers are at it again. According to my best sources (meaning John Oliver and Steven Colbert), there is a secret government program that records everything you ever do. Called Prism, this supercomputer sifts through billions of phone call records, emails, and text messages every day in order to find links to terrorist groups. Seems innocuous enough? Let me break it down for you.

I now give you... a situation that can actually happen in America today. A terrorist needs to call his local Toyota dealership in order to purchase a car for use as a bomb. Instead, he dials the wrong number, and calls your home. Prism records this call, and when the Toyota salesman who is secretly a CIA agent busts his ass, you are sent to Guantanamo with him. Totally possible; I am not using any hyperbole here at all. Or sarcasm.



Or, of course, the upside is that if you ever need to remember that website you visited that one time back in 2009, just speak loudly and clearly into your new Xbox One, and I'm sure that some helpful soul at the NSA will get right on it.

So what does this mean for America? That the psychopaths who wore tinfoil hats and yelled "THE GOVERNMENT!!!" in the streets were right? Of course not. What it DOES mean is that most Americans are perfectly fine with having their personal freedoms stripped away in favor of decreasing the chances that the next time they get on a plane, five guys with AKs will bring it down. For most, it's a difficult decision. For me, not so much. I choose FREEDOM!!!! Life's no fun without the off-chance that you'll get blow up tomorrow, right?

That was sarcasm, for those of you unschooled in the fine art of reading comprehension. But believe me, this is not a slippery slope. Sure, we're monitoring phone calls, but guns go unchecked to this day. Guess which one Republican legislators support.

Bye!

Putting the Mental in Governmental: Part II: The Walls Have Ears

I am taking a break from excruciating finals studying to blog here, so... you're welcome. I am making a page of notes for Science, writing my poem for English, studying for my Spanish test, and doing a giant-ass packet for Math. So yeah, I need some time to let off some steam.

My poem is actually pretty damn good. It's about a wall in the middle of the desert, and it's all... existential... or whatever... with symbolism... and stuff. English teachers eat that kind of stuff up, right? Here's the finale I'm considering for it:

The setting sun slips through a crack

The darkness consumes all

And lo, I cannot give a crap

About this giant f**king wall

I probably won't use that, though. Not precisely the best way to finish off a year of English class. But fortunately for you, I won't bore you to death with the details of my abysmal poetry. Because for the first time in two weeks, there's been an interesting news story! Last week, Edward Snowdon, a government employee, released a series of over 200,000 documents that basically say that the NSA is spying on everything we do. So, this leaves one question:

Didn't we already know this?

Seriously, what the f**k? I thought that ever since the Simpsons Movie, people knew that the government has been listening in on every phone conversation you have. It's been this way since the passing of The Patriot Act. So why the hell is this big news? OHHH... I GET IT... It's because back THEN it was BUSH, and NOW it's OBAMA! It all makes sense!

To be serious, that's the only reason why anybody cares. These are the same people who wanted to see Obama's birth certificate, need to know 'the truth' about Benghazi, and think Iron Man is putting listening devices in their homes. Translation: They are absolutely, unequivocally, F**K NUTS. I cannot be kind about this. Anybody who thinks that the government is competent enough to pull off such a monumental cover-up is clearly delusional. I'm super cereal here, guys.

Anyway... yeah, the NSA listens to everything you do. I didn't care in 2007 and I don't care now in 2013. I have nothing to hide. If you seriously (or cereally) think that some poor soul in a darkened room in the Pentagon is pouring over every correspondence you've ever had, you are gravely misinformed. If that were true, they would seppuku themselves after endless hours of funny cat pics.

No, what the government USUALLY does is either compile phone records to use in a criminal case or search E-mails for the phrases "White House", "bomb", and "President". 

OH SHIT-- I JUST USED THE ILLEGAL WORDS. I CAN HEAR THE HELICOPTERS OUTSIDE MY HOUSE. THEY'RE COMING FOR ME. PAY HEED, PEOPLE-- THEY'RE PROBABLY GONNA STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND CUT OPEN MY CHEST-- AND IT'S ALL LEGAL UNDER OBAMACARE!!! WHY DID I VOTE FOR OBAMA??? WHYYYYYYYYYYYY...

Bye!

Game of Drones

I went on a long-ass field trip today, and it was pretty boring... at least up until our resident bumbling idiot fell out of a tree. Somehow, that made sitting on a bus for two hours all worthwhile. Also, we got to see a bunch of pigs on a farm and yell "BAAAAACOOOOON!!!" at them.

But I could really care less about what I did today, because I just saw the MOST F**KING AWESOME THING I'VE EVER SEEN on the internet today: The government has created a prototype hummingbird drone. Yeah, that's right. A DRONE that looks like a HUMMINGBIRD. This is some next-level s**t. Now Obama can be peeking in yo' windows and snatching yo' people up.

A lot of people have been questioning the legality of drone warfare, but I'm all for it. In the future, national heroes won't have run into combat guns blazing; they'll be some asshole in his mom's basement in Pasadena who subcontracted out to the military. Of course, to take someone out via drone, they first have to be declared an enemy combatant. But you can REALLY stretch the definition of 'enemy combatant.' Graham Vert


Case in point: This week, some people tried to get the Tsarnaev brothers, the pair who bombed the Boston marathon, dubbed as ECs. Which is really dumb, seeing as we have literally no evidence that they acted on the urging of terrorists or because of their own geopolitical/religious beliefs.

But speaking of the bombers, for some reason, a few congressmen have said that the bipartisan immigration reform bill currently on the floor should be looked over again... because the bombers were Chechnyan. Seriously, that's the only reasoning they gave. You know, while we're at it, let's just not allow any Chechens into the US. Is that a good idea? Plus, let's keep out all the Japanese... they bombed us at Pearl Harbor. And we shouldn't allow British people in, because they fought us in the Revolution.

Bye!

Ricinister

Today's STAR Test answers are for the Geometry 9th Grade Version 2 test: BFCFBHBFAJBJCF DFDGAGAJCGDHDFJHDJBJCGAHDGAJAGCFAHBHDHDFDHAGAJBGAGBFDH
CFB!!!!!! I sincerely hope that you people appreciate the lengths I go to in order to give you these. Maybe someone out there will read this, find a pattern, and I'll be able to kick back and relax while taking the STAR Test from now on.

But moving on, there's apparently been a break in the Boston bombing case. Seeing as no one has yet claimed responsibility for the attack, it's clearly not Al Qaeda or anything like that. And someone looking suspicious was caught on video camera where the bomb went off. By 'looking suspicious', of course, we mean wearing a hoodie, holding Skittles®, and black. Oh, never mind... this isn't Florida.

However, there's been another case of domestic terrorism-- someone mailed ricin-laced letters to a Mississippi senator and President Obama. Ricin is a toxin derived from the castor oil plant, and is poisonous if inhaled, injected, or ingested. At least that's what Wikipedia says. I, for one, hadn't heard of this s**t until today. But someone out there has been busy, and they're apparently targeting our marathons and virtually unknown senators.


Oh, yeah, and the president...

And do I think that these attacks are linked? F**K YEAH! It's been, what, four years since anything major like this happened, and then both of these attacks occur within a three-day time period? HA! Coincidence? Yes.

I wonder if anyone ever bothers to read the letters that these guys send in. They might say something interesting. Or maybe they just put them under those metal domes and blow 'em the f**k away. No matter what they did, the letters never reached Obama; the anthrax scare about a decade ago took care of that. Now all the letters are screened somewhere in Virginia. So you wonder why these people even bother.

Bye!

Son of a Gun

My class has been working on something called The Mars Project recently, which is basically a plan to put a permanent settlement on Mars. So yes, my school is badass. We were designing the oxygen garden/greenhouses today, and I had the biggest and greatest idea in the history of big and great ideas. Vertco Respiration Hardware. Yeah, it's a thing. Just connect a Vertco mobile greenhouse to your Mars colony and BAM! Oxygen, water, and potatoes. Graham Vert

In other, non me-related news, there were two more shootings recently. In Alabama, a man shot a bus driver and took a 6-year-old hostage, and in Arizona, a shooting left one person dead. So now we're just gonna move through the alphabet. Up next: Alaska and Arkansas. What's amazing is that this happened WHILE CONGRESS WAS HEARING GUN CONTROL ARGUMENTS!!! Talk about ironic... ha ha ha...

I've been keeping score for a week or so, and we're up to 1,440 people killed in shootings since Newtown. Go to THIS website for an ongoing tally. So, how much longer is it gonna take? Well, a month ago, I said it wouldn't take long. And that's why you don't look to bloggers to predict the future. Fortunately, President Obama has introduced a total of 23 gun control-related bills to congress, so that guns like this one don't get sold in Wal-Mart.


The Vertco ARBX-35 dual magazine rapid-fire sniper rifle with reticulating grenade launchers, laser-guided cop-killer bullets, pullback pump-action masterkey shotgun, bullet silencer, automatic crosswind calibrator, holographic ACOG heartbeat sensor scopes, and spoon-onet attachment. Comes with one free coupon for head examination at your local clinic.

Anyway, there's no point in owning a gun like that. As cool as it is. I mean, just LOOK at it! It's so awesome and--- NO! FIGHT IT! FIIIIIGHT IIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!

It's like owning a Hummer or a t-shirt that says 'I feel inadequate about my manhood'. And the real problem is the gun salesmen. They are only required to check their stock once every 18 months, they delete all background checks after they are performed, and the one at Big Five Sporting Goods called me an asshole when I told him that guns are responsible for 30,000 American deaths a year. So yes, I'm pretty pissed off.

Bye!

Putting the Mental in Governmental

So, here's something awesome--- apparently there's a website where you can create petitions on the internet. If you get the required number of signatures by a certain date, the White House HAS to respond. Like, legally. So, I created THIS petition to lower the legal voting age to 16. You see, the next presidential election in 2016 takes place about four days before my 18th birthday, on November 8th. So as you can see, I'm a little perturbed.

But by far, the most popular petition subject on that website is anti-gun laws. Because there were two more shootings today: A teenager killed his family in New Mexico and a shooting at a college in Texas left four people in the hospital. So this has literally become a daily thing. I come home from school, and I get to ask "So, who got shot today?" Because THERE'S NOT WIFI AT SCHOOL... but that's not the subject. Wait, maybe I should petition for mandatory WiFi at all American schools! Yeahhhh...

Anyway, that's not the only gun-related event, because Barack Obama was re-inagurated yesterday for his 2nd term, and he gave a really impassioned speech about... totally not gun control. Since, although he never said the words, you could tell that the implications were there. So now Republicans are going friggin' OUT OF THEIR MINDS over his 'inability to compromise' and 'partisan agenda' and 'actual intelligence.'



Anyway, as I've said many a time in the past few weeks, this is going to be a pretty intense debate. And it's not like climate change or abortions--- This time, EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN has an opinion. And according to polls, 79% of them favor stricter gun laws. That's a pretty big margin, given that statistically, some of those people have to be gun owners.

On a lighter note, we've finally delved into the dark recesses of an evil organization that robs people of their money and gives them unsatisfactory products in return. An organization that has influence worldwide, that has distributaries all across America. I'm talking, of course, about... SUBWAY. In a recent Facebook post, someone pointed out that Subway's "$5 Footlong" is a mere 10 and a half inches, with the caption "Subway pls respond." Now, normally I'd find this kind of distraction from real national issues a pain in the ass, but THIS NEEDED TO HAPPEN. Too many people have fallen victim to this BS. There needs to be some kind of restriction. Or waiting period. And we should carefully monitor the distribution of these... sandwiches.

Oh God, are we actually caring more about sandwich laws than gun laws...?

Bye!