Do I LOOK Like a Druggie?

I have had the weirdest week of my life (okay, THIRD weirdest), and it's all because of today. Long story short, I witnessed a car accident, thwarted a robbery, got mistaken for a drug dealer, found $20, and almost got someone killed.

I should explain. The first incident happened two days ago, when I was helping move furniture out of my great-aunt's house (she passed away). Anyway, I was assigned to security, meaning I guarded the truck full of furniture while it was moved down four flights of stairs. So, I was wearing my Navy Seals shirt and Ray-bans and trying to look like no one should mess with me when a white truck pulled into the parking lot. The two guys in the truck were looking at the furniture, so I naturally pretended to reach into my jacket for a gun. They looked surprised, and drove away. Now, I'm not sure if that actually qualifies as thwarting a robbery, but it's sure as hell close enough.

When we took the stuff over to the Salvation Army, we hadn't been there for more than two minutes when we heard the screech of rubber in the tunnel we had just exited, and a massive crash. Police cars and fire trucks started pouring into the street, and people were just running around panicking. It was like a scene from The Dark Knight, where The Joker bombs something and people start screaming, and blah blah blah.

And so today I was walking around downtown San Anselmo with my friend Calvin when we ran into Walter, who is a friend of a friend, so we hung out for a while. While we sat on a park bench drinking iced coffee, we started talking about how the Olympics would be more interesting if the Japanese athletes committed seppuku if they didn't place on the medal stand. While we discussed this, a shady-looking guy with baggy jeans and a white hoodie ran by. Walter looked at him as he ran off, turned to us, and said "That guy's a drug dealer".

So we started talking about it, and came to the conclusion that he might actually be the runner; the guy who plays the neutral party between the buyer and the dealer. And so when he walked back the way he came, we knew we were right.

But that's not all. He turned to us and said, almost incomprehensibly, "You guys got any tree?" I looked at Calvin, and he gave me a look that said it all. We didn't know what the HELL was going on. And so I turned to the guy and said "No, not on me, man. You must have mistaken us for someone else." And he stared at us for a second, then asked "So, you don't have any fern?" And I said "No, I'm sorry".

And when he started to walk off, Walter began giggling in his high-pitched voice that should belong to a six-year-old girl. And the guy turned back and got in Walter's face. He began yelling "Hey, you got some kinda PROBLEM? You LAUGHIN' AT ME, BRO?" And so I had to intervene. I said "No, man, he's just laughing about something we were talking about earlier". And Calvin said "Yeah, we were talking about how it would be cool if the Japanese athletes committed seppuku if they didn't get a medal". And the guy looked at us for a second, then said "That'd be cool". And he just walked off.

I might have saved Walter from getting stabbed. I don't know. Oh, and I found $20 just LYING on the ground, so I had a good day.

Even by my standards.

Bye!