We're Living in Funny Times

Oy vey. I cleaned out The Swamp today, fortunately with minimal casualties. It tried to eat my fingers, but I just barely escaped. It did, however, score a minor victory when it ate my Big Book 'o Crappy Limericks (which I wrote). The Swamp ended up losing about 50 pounds, which will probably lighten the load of my backpack a bit. Right now, it's sitting across the room from me, just staring at me. I don't think I'm gonna get any sleep tonight.

Bad news for Avatar fans: The new issue of MAD Magazine came out today, and NO, the cover is not of Alfred E. Neuman as a Na'vi. That would have been the perfect picture for the cover, seeing as every cover is of Alfred E. as a different thing (i.e, Jack Sparrow, Darth Maul, Gollum, a homeless guy, Batman, Rorschach, etc). Even I had five bucks down on it. Instead, it was just some crap picture of Alfred wearing an 'I love Obama' shirt.

Speaking of MAD, I am incredibly depressed. MAD recently switched to a once-every-three-months basis, and now that I've read the new one cover to cover (three times), I have nothing to look forward to for a whole frickin' three months (besides the end of school- YEAH!) The only thing to think about now is when the monthly issue of Funny Times will come or when The Week will come, well, duh, WEEKLY!

As I was saying earlier, I wrote about fifty limericks in class today, which were unfortunately eaten by The Swamp. Some were about my friends, some about my enemies (I enjoyed writing those most), and some were just random. I've posted some of my favorites on FunnyTimes.com for the Annual Limerick Contest. To see all the 'toons I've done, follow the following link:

All cartoons by me

Now, before you click on that (which I really hope you didn't), I need to explain something to you. Funny Times is an international newspaper that has a website that you can create your own cartoons on (to create your own cartoon, click HERE). However, me and some other Funny Times users have been using it kinda like a social networking site, communicating to each other using cartoons. For my 'toons, I show myself as a geeky social leper with incredibly thick glasses and a bad haircut named 'Elephant Man'. I don't know why I called myself that, but it'll haunt me forever. And for the record, I don't look anything like that. I am a lean, mean, fighting machine.

Anyway, some other 'tooners who also use fake names (such as cta, Ellie May, Eric Per1in, Rick Dickulous, Danger Dan, Sophie, and Yankees With Hope) have been collaborating and creating contests, talking to each other, and having a great time. Here's the premise:

The 'tooners I just listed have mostly been around much longer than me. Here are their 'tooning amounts and when they began:

Me: Sometime in September, 112 pages of cartoons (five cartoons per page).

cta: Longer than anyone can remember, 214 pages of cartoons.

Eric Per1in: Started sometime after cta, but more pages (a result of having too much free time). 233 pages.

Sophie: Since who knows when, Unknown amount of cartoons.

Danger Dan: Since about December, 25 pages of cartoons.

Ellie May: Since about 2008, 64 pages of cartoons. IMPORTANT NOTE: Her husband, aka The Hubster, also appears in some cartoons.

Rick Dickulous: Just started 'tooning about a week ago, five pages of cartoons!

Just Bean: Bean has been around for quite a while, but switched his/her name from 'Queen Bean' to 'Just Bean' a few months ago.

More on the premise: These are the CURRENT 'tooners. Some retired 'tooners include:

CIAgent

Mr. Smartypants

Konrad Schwoerke (who just recently quit)

Claustrophobic (who recently came back! Whoooo!)

Smush (who also recently came back! Whoooo!)

and Ducky.

Even more on the premise: Some idiots under the name 'Anonymous' have been clogging up the website with mindless drivel, such as people standing there saying things like 'poopie'. Anonymous is the automatic name the site gives you if you don't enter a codename into the 'create your own cartoon' page. The 'tooners have united against the Anonymouses, and we have declared all-out war.

WOW, this is a long blog, but Funny Times is complicated. There's also a lot more to tell, like how to create things that aren't on the playground using available elements, and how to write underneath the panels, and how to publish your cartoon and Editor's Picks and cartoon series and bad puns and silliness and how to spot a disguised 'Anonymous' cartoon and...

Oh, what the hell. Just read all my cartoons from back to front. You'll get the picture (kinda).

Bye!

P.S.--- If cta, Sophie, Ellie May, or anyone else is reading this blog, thanks! I need the hits!

The Ultimate 100th Blog

Aaaaaaaaaahhh... here it is. My 100th blog. I had to do 18 blogs in one month and three blogs on one day to finish it, but there it is. Right now I'm watching M*A*S*H episodes and doodling. So here's one of every feature that I have, in honor of my 100th blog:

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is... Old TV Shows! I've gotten really into shows like M*A*S*H and Seinfeld. There. That's my TOPIC OF INTEREST. That was abnormally easy.

My pearl of anti-wisdom: if at first you don't succeed, stick your head in an oven.

My BETTER KNOW A SPECIES: Dipwads. Dipwads are people who, purposely, do a stupid thing over and over. I know several people like this. A Dipwad doesn't always know what they're doing is stupid, though, as proved by the Bush Years.

My BETTER KNOW A CARTOONIST: Mort Drucker, who works for MAD Magazine! Mort usually does a black-and-white spoof of a TV show or a movie. He's been with MAD for about 50 years. As a tribute to this, the usual gang of idiots used Drucker's name in their spoof of Harry Potter #6, in which they called Lord Voldemort Lord Druckermort. Here's a pic:

That's Mort's depiction of Tom Richmond, another MAD cartoonist.

DUDE, WHERE'S MY DIGNITY: Today we have... MY DAD!

On Thanksgiving, we were over at my grandpa's friend's house, and there were some teenagers there. I'm only 12 years old, so I was trying to act all cool. They were sitting there texting and I was trying to act all cool; they were only a little bit older than me. But then dad says: 'So, what are you doing? Just hanging out?' I was mortally embarrassed.

That's it. My 100th blog. I can't do ERT ERT ERT BIG SPOILER ALERT because I haven't seen a movie recently, and I can't do MASTER PLAN since I don't have a genius fix to a world problem at the moment.

I'll blog you soon

P.S.--- This was completed at 11:50 p.m.--- so there you are! 100 blogs before the year is out!!!

Better Know a Cartoonist...

Okay, this is it! I have five more blogs to do before I'm shmuffed, and only four days to do them. That means I have to do two blogs on one day, and why not make that today?

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is my new-er feature, BETTER KNOW A CARTOONIST. Today, my personal favorite artist of all time, HERMANN MEJIA!!!

Hermann works for MAD Magazine, and grew up in Caracas, Venezuela. He is the best MAD Magazine artist the world has ever seen (sorry, Mort Drucker and Sergio Argones). His signature style is to exaggerate the features of whoever he's drawing. Sometimes he even sculpts models of his artwork. Not only that, but he's also colorblind! He does all this work without even seeing in color! He uses an extensive color tablet to ink his drawings. Or his wife just tells him what to do. Either way, it seems to work. Here's his model of Bush:

That is a genius work of art. It's my Mona Lisa. Join me next time when I talk about... STEPHAN PASTIS!!!

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom: Nothing is gained by cheating: unless you're cheating on a diet.

And now, time for an edition of MASTER PLAN!!!!! Everyone, you know I believe wholeheartedly in global warming. And if you put that together with the fact that our government is nearing bankruptcy, there is only one conclusion: put a cover charge of $20 for entering a gas station! This will only work if all gas stations do it, because if there's one charging $20 across the street from one with no cover charge... well... which one would YOU go to? another llama mama for obama-rama

Anyway, because of the incredibly high cover charge, no one would want to waste gas, right? Well, then the hummers would go out of business because there would be no demand for a gas-guzzeling expensive car. Less fuel emissions would therefore be pumped into the atmosphere and... ta-daaaaah!!! Global warming--- averted.

But, of course, you couldn't cease our dependency on cars that easily. So when people go to get their gas, the $20 cover charge is sent to the state's government! This would work especially well for my home state of California.

So there you have it. My solution to global warming and governmental bankruptcy.

I'll blog you soon.