I really should work for the CIA. Oh, wait, I do.
Anyway, there's a book out called Operation Dark Heart, which the Pentagon is buying out and destroying because it allegedly contains classified information. But since I already work for the CIA, I am able to leak a few interesting facts. Here's one: The printing machine on the fourth level of the CIA HQ is broken. No one can figure it out.
That was CLASSIFIED INFORMATION, folks. I have a few other things, but after that, they get kind of boring.
Anyway, the book is out now, buy it before some creepy 7-foot tall guy wearing a suit and tie grabs it off the shelf before you.
Here's another story that jumps out at you like a fireball out of a gas line: A fireball jumped out of a gas line!!!
Last week in San Bruno (which is situated south of San Fransisco and San Anselmo and north of San Mateo and San Diego), a massive gas line ruptured and killed at least four people. It also leveled a neighborhood and began to spread through smaller gas lines, blowing up homes as it went. However, it was still unable to do more damage to the neighborhood than Mel Gibson did to his career.
Since I took 10 days off from reporting news, I obviously missed a ton of stuff. Koran burning, Dr. Laura, Tea Party candidates, and the Bush tax cuts, I will now give you my quick, one-paragraph opinion of each of them:
First off, the only reason Mr. Floridaracistnutjob is even IN the news is because our insane, rabid media needs time to fill 23 full hours of news (not counting ads, traffic checkups, and weather reports). Because I am so vehemently opposed to this, I will not devote any more of this blog to talking about this idiot.
Second, Dr. Laura might as well be called Mrs. Radioracistnutjob. On air with one of her callers, she repeatedly said the word--- TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE STAND BY.
----and she later quit because she didn't want to 'have her first amendment rights violated'. What a complete moron. I've never trusted people who call themselves doctors (but aren't). Actually, I don't trust doctors either, but that's beside the point. This person has absolutely NO right to take calls and tell people what to do with their lives.
Now we move onto our third topic, the Tea Party candidates. Wheeee! Just when I thought I'd heard it all, Tea Party idiots across the nation (okay, actually two or three) defeated their more moderate Republican counterparts in numerous races. So, who are these people? Well, one of them is being investigated for sending porn to some friends via e-mail, and another wants to ban ________ as a form of adultery. Really, I can't say _______ on a blog? Geez, I wonder who the OTHER candidates were.
Finally, the Bush tax cuts, which are set to expire in December. SO CLOSE I CAN TASTE IT!!! What's the matter, quintillionares? Afraid you won't be able to afford that eighth Lamborghini? AWWWW, SO SAAAD.
That's my opinion on all current events. Bye!
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