To recap: The 'Nile Crocodile' went missing decades ago, and was found in 2010. However, experts suspect that this is merely a forgery. Yeah. That's right. Some devious criminal mind out there has King Tut's Badonkadonk. And they may be using it to create hell on Earth!!! As I speculated in Part III, Mummar Qadaffi might have it. Or maybe the Egyptian government stole it to cover up its inadequacies, which seems to be Colbert's favorite theory. All I can promise you is that, unlike my demented Part IV, THIS edition of the hunt for the pharaoh's scepter will be grounded to reality.
So, back to the action: After I stole the Rosetta Stone using a glass-cutting laser I stole from the Smithsonian (one story at a time, readers), I realized the ancient stone was much too heavy to just run off with. So, I smashed it against the floor and found that, although there was an air pocket within the stone, the 'Sand Cobra' was gone! Now, this was not necessarily the original... okay. I'm running out of euphemisms. This was not necessarily the original you-know-what, as Tut apparently suffered from the same problem as Michael Jackson. Over the course of his life, Jackson had 653 different noses. Who knows how many... things... Tut had.
And judging by this digital re-creation of King Tut, the pharaoh probably needed some nose jobs, too.
So, who stole the 'Sarcophagus' from within the Rosetta Stone? What do they intend to do with it? Will these moronic posts ever end? And how did I know there was once a King's 'Tut' in the Rosetta Stone in the first place? I don't know, but I intend to... okay, actually I know the answer to that last one.
But that's a subject for Part VI!!!
TO BE CONTINUED...
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