Pope My Ride

My school is big on assemblies, apparently, and now we all have to go to a Texting While Driving presentation on Wednesday. Everyone in the school has to go, even those of us who can't drive. And for that matter, can't text. I need WiFi to text because I have an iPod touch without a mobile plan... yeah. So this is going to be a good hour of useless information.

Also, I can't multitask for S**T. Seriously. If you try talking to me while I'm playing the piano, I'll just stare blankly at you. I have no way of moving my mouth. So the concept that I would actually have to motor skills to perform two tasks that require a good level of concentration at the same time (one of which endangers my life) is pretty stupid.

Even the slogan is dumb--- "ARRIVE ALIVE: DON'T TEXT AND DRIVE". A little morbid. It reminds me of the street safety slogan that Calvin and Hobbes come up with: "BE CAREFUL, OR BE ROADKILL!" His is better.

But this isn't the biggest news circulating around by FAR. Because just today, Pope Benedict the XVCIUKFFGCV has decided to step down. By the way, I didn't feel like putting in any effort to find out which Pope Designation Number (PDN) he has, so those roman numerals may vary in accuracy.


The Pope in the Popemobile, preparing to return to the Popecave. His ward is Altar Boy the Boy Wonder.

Don't even think for a second that the Catholic Church will change, though: Benedict has surrounded himself with a bunch of yes-men who will undoubtedly vote in someone just like him. Unlike the time they accidentally voted for me. I was Pope for six days, just enough time to hate the funny hat.

However, there may be something far more sinister lurking in the bowels of the Vatican. Remember, this is the first time the Pope has resigned in CENTURIES, leading me to believe that there are some extenuating circumstances. Has he found the original first draft of the Bible? Did he molest some kids? Or did he discover something that has been lost for quite some time now...?

KING TUT'S PENIS!!!

JOIN ME NEXT TIME FOR MORE LUDICROUS TALES OF THE PHARAOH'S SCHLONG!!!