Breaking Pope

It's Saint Patrick's Day today, and all across the world, people are celebrating by burping up the contents of their stomachs while defecating in the corner of a bowling alley. I'm pretty happy today-- a year ago, I wore green by having green bands put on my braces. CAN'T DO THAT S**T ANYMORE, CAN I??? So yes, I am content.

I may have mentioned this in previous posts, but I have been recording all of my ingenious thoughts on paper, in a notebook I call THE DOODLEBOOK. Of course, all my wisdom didn't fit in that, so I had to expand to Volume II and Volume III. I don't want these genius ideas to have to sit on paper forever though, so now I'm going to post a little bit of The Doodlebook on this blog at a time and hopefully, over the years, I'll load the whole thing. Today we begin the arduous task of uploading all my GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT SCHOOL. #1: Spanish homework can be put off forever.

I've been working on The Doodlebook for years now, and the three volumes are almost jam-packed with every bit of useful information you need to survive. There's the Idiot's Guide to Mixing a White Marinite (my personalized chocolate drink). There's The Periodic Table of Awesome. And of course, there's THE PEEP CODE, which is absolute law among my friends. And don't worry-- although there's a clause about executions, we haven't had to carry one out.

Yet.


Anyway, there are some other things to talk about today, for instance the fact that Pope Francis I has a master's degree in chemistry. A lot of people think this means that he'll be more open to science and its ideas, but I disagree-- if Breaking Bad is any indication, he'll be cooking meth in the Vatican before the week is out. In fact... hmm... maybe that's what the white smoke is. And they've just called Francis in to help them out with the recipe.

Bye!