Oot and Aboot

Oh hai readers! My 16th birthday was last week, and I'm happy as hell. Not because I had a party (I didn't, parties are lame), and not because of presents-- no-- I CAN NOW PROBABLY GET INTO R-RATED MOVIES WITHOUT PARENTS! Joy to the world! And it helps that I'm 6'3". Speaking of movies, by the way, Tut's Tutillating Reviews is coming along swimmingly, and I have a truckload of new reviews out, including a Halloween special: HORROR WEEK. My Ender's Game review is also up, so check all that out HERE.

Anyway, for my birthday my parents gave me A Clockwork Orange and Donnie Darko on DVD, which I shall now proceed to watch multiple times. Also received: A chunk of the Berlin Wall, a coffee mug, and a book entitled "The Disaster Artist," the story behind the making of the worst movie of all time: The Room. If you haven't seen this spectacular film yet, I highly recommend it. It is utterly mesmerizing in its ineptitude. If I judged movies purely on how much I enjoy watching them, that thing might be my favorite movie of all time.

But I made Tut's Reviews just so I could separate my incessant movie-related banter from this blog, so let's move on to something that will send my readership into free-fall: CURRENT EVENTS. Cower in fear, Americans, because this is a news story that will require you to know some geography! Now: With your dominant hand, point to the US on a map. No, higher. No, still higher. Okay, lower. Really, are you f**king kidding me? It's the one with the oddly shaped peninsula. The yellow one. Okay. Now, point to Canada. Jesus Christ, that's Russia. Point to the big red one. The BIG red one. Not India. ABOVE AMERICA. Kill me now...



Eh, you found them! Yes, foolish Americans, that's Canada. And that's where my top story takes place today: In Toronto (AKA America's ridiculous poofy hat), mayor Rob Ford has come under fire for smoking crack. Yeah, you heard right-- SMOKING CRACK. So it's time to unveil the official 2014 slogan for American politicians! "We tweet pictures of our junk, bang secretaries, fly to Buenos Aires to meet our mistresses, get our housemaids pregnant, and use taxpayer money to fund money-laundering schemes... but at least we don't smoke crack!"

The hilarious thing is that the guy hasn't even been charged with a criminal offense yet. You gotta love Canada. Also, there's a tape of him saying, slurred "I'm gonna f**king kill that guy... it's me or him brother" over and over again. All he had to say when asked about it was that he was "Clearly very, very, very intoxicated." Yeah, you don't say. Somebody's been hitting the ol' maple syrup too hard...

Bye!

A Veritable Republicane

My birthday is tomorrow, just putting that out there. I hope some of my less-intelligent friends can refrain from telling everyone that they should sing the stupid birthday song. You see, my school is really spirited (which frustrates me), and they have their own birthday song which is ten times longer than the original. It's exhausting. So people, I don't want any big celebration tomorrow. Just presents. Lots and lots of presents.

My biggest and best birthday gift this year was, of course, Obama's re-election. I went out of my way to turn fate for the Democrats last night-- I saw a shooting star and wished for Obama's second term, and I turned back when a black cat walked across the road. Call me superstitious, but in an election year, every little bit helps.

Meanwhile, the Republicans are playing the blame game for who is responsible for Romney's loss. It'll be a few months before they stop, and their first victim is Chris Christie, New Jersey's governor and the guy who recently came out and commended the president for his efforts in the hurricane relief. I've hated Christie for a while, but, like Herman Cain, he seems to have redeemed himself. He's reached across party lines for the good of his state, which is something you rarely see these days. Kudos, Christie.


Right... anyhow, the Republicans aren't happy with what he said, and thought that he should have also commended Romney for his efforts in hurricane relief. And he probably would have, if he had done anything. Then again, Romney isn't necessarily in a position of power to try and help out. And we'll fight tooth and nail to keep it that way.

It looks as if my initial prediction was wrong: The hurricane actually helped Obama win. Now, you may have noticed that I haven't covered the hurricane so much, seeing as I'm an awesome rockin' Californian who's three hours behind you peons on the east coast. But I have no idea how to donate to the Red Cross via texting or whatever. I have not a clue how it works. You'd think that I, being an almost-15-year-old Californian, would have at least a mediocre grasp of technology, but no. So, people? Donate to the Red Cross via... something. That's all I got.

Bye!

Birthdays: You make me feel so old

I am currently having an awesome birthday party with my two best friends. They're currently watching a COD: Black Ops demo behind me on the couch. I kicked their butt at bowling and then one of them kicked everyone's butt at poker.

Then we played some racing games at the arcade and I used an awesome silver camaro with decals. I came in third!!! Whoo!

I don't know if I've gotten the chance to tell you this, but this is the most awesome car ever. In the game, it has some sort of hydrogen power that you use by hitting the gas twice really fast. My dad used a Pontiac Solstice and he lost. Wheee!

Then we came back and discussed our companies (Vertco, Shmuffco®, and Nacho Industries®) and made an awesome list of all our products. Camaro kicks ass.

Then I used a vending machine to get a voodoo doll, and we spent the rest of the time sticking pins in it. We watched Karate Kid, and now we're just sitting around so I decided to blog.

Oh, and at the end of the poker game, my dad put in five bucks and I put in the joker card, which I said represented my soul. Then my friend won and, apparently, I'm now under his chemical control.

I need to get that card back.

Bye!

A Game of Me and Mouse

I was walking through the kitchen the other day when I found an Apple mouse lying on the counter. I didn't recognize it; it had a scrolling thingy. The only kinds I knew of were wireless with scrolling thingy and non-wireless without one. The annoying computer in my room has one without a scrolling thingy, and that has always annoyed me. That means that I have to pull the sidebar down when I want to scroll. But this one was different-- non-wireless WITH a scrolling thingy. I walked up to my dad and asked him what it was for.

Immediately, he put his hand over his eyes. "It WAS a birthday present", he said. I started going into laughing convulsions. It was hysterical. He just sat there, pondering the wonder of it all.

He had, apparently, not realized that I had the capability to look on the kitchen counter. He was wrong. Then he let me hook it up to my computer anyway. So essentially, I just scored a free mouse a week before my birthday.

This year, my parents have done a VERY bad job of hiding my presents. Just the other day, I got on the computer and found that mom had been looking at SimCity 4 discs for sale on Amazon.com. Ooop-syyyys.

I'm having a good week.

Bye!

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