New Crap III

Well, it's that time of year again... when I start screwing around with my blog's layout. Yes, yet again I have altered the title of my blog. This time, I included three characters from three respective stories I've been working on, Hysteria, California, and The Bloodstained Lion. From left to right, the characters are Lou Phoenix, Nate California, and Bloodstain Joe. I know... this makes literally no sense to those of you who stumbled across this blog randomly. Actually, it probably doesn't make any sense even to those of you who do, because I haven't told anyone about this shit. So here's the rundown of my new title, if you care.

Lou Phoenix is the main character in Hysteria, a black comedy about high school. He has a heart problem (you can see the heart monitor in his hand) and an increasingly bad life, but maintains his positive outlook on things. As you may have guessed, a lot of hilarious moments from Drake High School have made it into this story. Eventually, Lou starts a movement called Phoenix Rising to overthrow his school... but no spoilers.

Nate California is the main character in California (no shit). He's an Iraq war veteran who has the uncanny ability to switch off his moral compass at the snap of a finger, a skill he gained from witnessing the horrors of war, as well as a terrible experience in the desert that he refuses to talk about. After returning home, he uncovers a sinister plot in the government that no one, not even his most trusted friend Alex believes. The story is told from Alex's point of view after the fact, just to make it seem more like a fable than an actual event. Also, lots of boom booms happen.

Bloodstain Joe is the main character in the Galaxy Trilogy (The Bloodstained Lion, Infinite Empire, and Heart of the Sun), a sci-fi epic that I'm currently working on the screenplay for and trying my best not to accidentally steal anything from Star Wars with. And trust me... it's hard. I got around it by setting the story 2,000 years from now, so there are references to past events that we would understand, plus a soundtrack that includes Sympathy for the Devil and House of the Rising Sun. In the background of the title, you can see spaceship designs I was working on for the trilogy hovering over an alien world.

And in the interest of preserving history, here's the previous title (Nov 2012 - March 2014):



Aaaah... I've come so far. Looking back, drawings like these are as bad as it gets. No shading, no contours of the fabric on clothing, cartoony hair... what was I thinking? Of course, I'll probably be thinking this same thing when I take down the title I just put up, but hey, that's what happens.

As a side note, I was only able to do this new title because the past two days at school were taken up by the CAHSEE (CAlifornia High School Exit Exam), which is probably the easiest test I've ever taken in my entire life. Seriously... one of the questions was "Which of the following numbers is closest to zero: 2, 3, 4, or 5?" Really? Are you kidding me, people? If this is all I need to know to graduate high school, you should have graduated me in 7th grade. And no, I will not post the answers I got on here like I have in the past, because if you seriously need my help to answer questions like this... you have failed life.

Bye!

Game of Drones: Episode II: Attack of the Drones

I performed my skit today for my class, and it was pretty damn good. I yelled in a German accent as my stage persona (Dr. Heinz Vanhousin) and was forced to sing a spoof of Bohemian Rhapsody about monoculture farms and apple GMOs. You can only imagine the witty one-liners we coined with this. Things like "An apple a day keeps the DOCTOR AWAAY!!!" and "I vill be ze invincible apple baron of ze WORLD!" Shakespearian, I know.

Also, I have more cause to celebrate, because G-Force just passed 16,000 hits, now averaging 500 hits a month. For a blog with no ad content, no funding, no employees, no reporting, no investigative journalism, no aesthetic design, and probably plagiarized images that could lead to copyright infringement lawsuits, that's pretty damn good. Did I mention that this is also written by a 15-year old?

That's all gonna change, though. I'm outsourcing the writing of these blog posts to a guy in Mumbai who will read all my former blog posts, then write his best guess at the insightful commentary that I would make and that you've all grown accustomed to. Big time saver for me, I know.

Speaking of insightful commentary, here's a news story just BEGGING to be made fun of. For the first time since the beginning of the drone program, the government has taken full responsibility for accidentally killing someone. The catch? The people killed were four Americans.

      

Yeah, I didn't make that graphic. In retrospect, it was stupid of me to assume that no one else would think of this pun.

Anyway, Eric Holder announced today that the government was taking responsibility for the strikes, and Obama himself declared that drone strikes would be 'limited' now. Well, s**t. After countless civilians in Afghanistan are mercilessly bombed with hellfire and brimstone from the sky, the thing that makes the government do an about face on the issue is the deaths of four AMERICANS? HA! It would be funny if it weren't so tragic.

And what exactly do they mean by 'limit'? This drone program was the first blatantly militaristic army ego-trip that I could really GET BEHIND, and now they're 'limiting' it? I mean, say what you will about drones and their accuracy, but normally no more civilians are killed in a drone strike than in a typical foot soldier attack. The only difference is that one situation doesn't put Americans in the line of fire.

I suppose that, like with the A-Bomb before them, the drones have rendered the whole "Sending your army to fight another army to see whose is better" thing kind of quaint. Again, not necessarily a bad thing. And think about the number of combat-ready soldiers we have already! I can't wait to see the army admissions forms in a few years!

• HAVE YOU PLAYED CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE?

YES___   NO___

• HAVE YOU PLAYED BATTLEFIELD 4?

YES___   NO___

• HAVE YOU PLAYED CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE 2?

YES___   NO___

If you answered yes to any of the questions, congratulations! Here's your assignment number and joystick. You start tomorrow.

Bye!

Iron Man 3

I couldn't wait for all my friends to get their s**t together, so today I saw Iron Man 3 without them. And before I get into my review, I have to say... this will contain some SERIOUS spoilers. So unless you're in the mood to have one of the best superhero movies ever made ruined for you, I advise that you stay the hell away from this post until you've seen it. Graham Vert

After the semi-disappointing Avengers, I was more than a little worried that another legendary director would let me down. Shane Black, Iron Man 3's director, has worked with Robert Downey Jr. before in one of my favorite comedies, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. And if you haven't seen this masterwork of a film, I suggest you drop everything and go watch it right now. Finish reading my blog post, though. I need the hits. I was also worried about another great film franchise dying a slow and painful death, like the year's first travesty, A Good Day to Die Hard. So I went into the theater understandably apprehensive.

Fortunately, I was not disappointed: Iron Man 3 is friggin' amazing. First off, it gives a little more depth to the basically one-dimensional character of Tony Stark, giving him anxiety attacks after the events of The Avengers. Secondly, the franchise finally had a fantastic villain (not quite up to the standards set by Heath Ledger's Joker) in the form of Ben Kingsley as The Mandarin, an Osama bin Laden-Mummar Qadaffi mix who blows s**t up across the country on a regular basis.

Tony's bodyguard is the victim of one of these bombs, and he puts out a message to The Mandarin, telling him that he isn't afraid. And so The Mandarin blows up his house. It's an incredibly sad scene, as this monumental bachelor pad, the very symbol of superhero-level decadence, is razed to the ground. Stark ends up flying to Tennessee, where he discovers that the bombs aren't bombs-- they're actually failed experiments.



Apparently, someone is giving amputees treatments that will allow them to magically regrow their limbs, but sometimes they 'overheat' and blow the f**king hell up. This is where the plot starts to unravel. Guy Pearce, the villain, has created an army of evil former-cripples... but how did they turn evil? Do we just assume that if an amputee is given new limbs, they will automatically turn evil? It makes not an ounce of sense.

However, I can overlook this, because right after that scene is one of the best moments in all of comic book-filmdom: We meet Ben Kingsley's character in real life, and he's actually a British crack-smoking hooker-hiring actor who's been cooped up in a mansion for months. He's being used to play The Mandarin during broadcasts, and the bombs are just people overheating and Guy Pearce explaining them away as terrorist attacks.

In the final scenes, Stark saves the president from being killed (and stops Guy Pearce from installing the vice-president as a puppet leader), and Pepper Potts gets the limb-regrowing treatment. So instead of just sitting around like she did in The Avengers, she gets to kill Guy Pearce by blowing him up with a .50 caliber shell. Ben Kingsley and the VP are arrested, and everyone goes home happy.

So, what did I think? Well, as always, I loved RDJ as Tony Stark, and Ben Kingsley as The Mandarin sure as hell didn't hurt anything. Unfortunately, it did get a little too action-y (if that were possible). What's great about the Iron Man series is that it centers more around the characters than the explosions. But the final battle in this one was almost... dare I say it... reminiscent of Transformers. Still, the cast is great, it's funny, it's witty, and you shouldn't listen to the fanboys complaining about how it "Doesn't adhere to the comics." Nobody gives a flying f**k.

Final score for Iron Man 3? 8.5/10 stars. It's actually better than the second one, and the first really worthwhile blockbuster of the year. But that all will change with Star Trek: Into Darkness in two weeks. CAN'T F**KIN' WAIT!!!

And as an aside, yesterday marked the four-year anniversary of G-Force Productions, and the initiation date of this blog. Ironically, it also lands on National Star Wars Day (as in, 'May the fourth be with you').

Bye!

My Beautiful Dark Twisted 500th Blog Post

...DARY!!! THIS IS IT!!! NUMBER FIVE-HUNDRED!!! NUMBER FIVE-FUCKING-HUNDRED!!! WHOOOOO! This also marks the only time I have ever (and possibly will ever) post a swear word without ***-ing it out. So yes, this is an historic day.

And now for the list... ah yes, the list... of the TOP 25 BLOG POSTS FROM G-FORCE OVER THE COURSE OF HISTORY!!! Hit it!

25) The Grim Veeper----- As with most of my pre-2011 blog posts, The Grim Veeper wasn't especially well-written. But I love the title to this day.
24) The Great Bus Crisis of '09----- Again, an early one. But it tells a worthy story, of the helpless group of souls abandoned by the school buses and forced to resort... to CANNIBALISM.
23) The 2012 G-Force Coverage of the Republican Presidential Race: Part Eight: It's Not the Heat, it's the Stupidity----- I amused myself with this one. The phrase "Strip Naked in San Diego" never gets old, either.
22) Apocalypse Cow----- A great title, and a colorful picture. Certain to please even the least demanding readers.
21) The Great Debates Part III: Hello Mitty----- Ripping Mitt Romney a new one has been a constant on this blog.
20) A House is not a Home Without a Rubber Chicken----- I've always liked this title... but to be fair, some other posts may have deserved this slot more.
19) A Bitter Amercia----- Wow, another one making fun of Romney... I see a trend developing.
18) The Aftermath (Part One)----- There haven't been TOO many series on G-Force (but when there are, MAN, they get old fast). But The Aftermath was one of my favorites.
17) Rush to Judgement----- Rush Limbaugh IS an giant asshole.
16) Dumb and Hummer----- My ingenious idea for a wind-powered car has unfortunately been lost to time.
15) Call of Duty: Modern Nørdfare----- A critical indictment of the people who blame the video game industry for violence. Also, I was finally able to make use of this little thing 'ø'.
14) Ode to America----- Yeah, Steven Colbert's a beast. I've thought about sending this in to his show, but that's a little weird... Graham Vert
13)  Long Live the Fountain Drink!!!----- Published right after the aforementioned 'A Bitter Amercia' this is the rare post that makes fun of Democrats.
12) Godzilla Vs. Tsunami----- It's fun to imagine Godzilla's lawyer being F. Lee Bailey.
11) My Big Fat Greek Debt----- I like this title. There's not much else to be said.
10) TRIUMPH!----- Now we've gotten into major news stories. This, of course, was about the assassination of Osama bin Laden.
9) Indiana Graham and the Search for the Pharaoh's Schlong: Part One: In DeNile----- And now we've gotten OUT of major news stories. That was fast. I've always loved this series. And we may never know where King Tut's penis went, at least until my next edition of the series...
8) Brace Yourselves...----- This one helped me through a tragic time in my life: HAVING BRACES.
7) Occupy White Hill----- My occupy movement was sadly short-lived.
6) Son of a Gun----- Yeah, this is a really recent one. But the spoon-onet and such were too much fun to write to pass this one up.
5) The Ultimate 100th Blog----- Not so ultimate NOW, are you?
4) Better Know a Cartoonist Part II...----- Even though I despise this post, it has netted me over 240 hits... and counting. Making it the most-viewed post on this blog.
3) Election Night, Part V----- The post where I called the 2012 election for Obama. And the fifth on this list where I talk about my hatred for Mitt Romney.
2) Intro to awesomeness----- The first.

And number one, you ask? Well... that's this one. Because it's all the others of the top 25 wrapped into one. And if there's some kind of problem with those links, DEAL WITH IT, because I think I just got arthritis from cut/pasting the URLs into this... aarrrgh...

I encourage you to read them all. And I'll be back soon with my 501st+ blog posts in just a while, including my inevitable review of DIE HARD FIVE!!! Aww yeah. Oh, and I apologize to the creators of How I Met Your Mother for the beginning to this post and the end to the previous one. I felt it needed to be done.

Sayonara, Capybara!

Superblog CDXCIX

The Superbowl was this Sunday, and the 49ers lost to the Ravens. I suppose it's too much to ask that both the Giants AND the Niners win the World Series and the Superbowl in the same few months... but still, a bit of a disappointment. At least it would be if I cared in the slightest about football. What I care about far more is...

THE SUPER AD BOWL!!!

Yes, every year I award the best Superbowl ad the Vertco Trophy for Excellence in High-Quality Crap®. In the past, it's gone to Doritos and Coca-Cola for their ninja star and border guard ads, respectively. And this year, it goes to (drumroll, please)...

No one. No one at all. Because no matter how good any of the ads this Superbowl were, they were overshadowed by the Go Daddy 'Nerd Kissing a Hot Girl' ad. Apparently, there's been a recent uproar over this ad because it shows a bespectacled geek with cystic acne making out with a supermodel (who reportedly got paid $1,000,000 and had to go through 74 takes). The nerd was not compensated.

In other news, the novel I've been writing for my English class is almost complete. It's kind of a morose story, detailing the failure of epic proportions of a few men trying to kill Hitler at the height of WWII. But I'm at the end, and I need a good finale... "The End." No, too corny. "And he woke up to realize that it was all a dream..." No, to Oz-y. "And that, kids, is how I met your mother." No, I'll leave that one for Ted... anyway, I hope to put links to it on this blog sometime soon... around the time that I post my 500TH BLOG POST OF ALL TIME!!!

Yes, my next post shall be my ultimate 500th. So, how shall I use it? To tell the story of North Korea's latest leaked propaganda? To give my opinion on how the post office is no longer delivering mail on Saturdays? To further the goal of the internet's media in our glorious quest to keep you, our loyal readers, informed?

No. Stay tuned for tomorrow's ULTIMATE 500TH BLOG POST, with a list of my top 25 favorite posts!!! Don't miss it!!! It's going to be legen... wait for it...

New Crap II...

Heyo, non-loyal followers! I've made some major changes to the G-Force layout in the hopes of spiking some new hits this month (see my previous post, The Twinkie Defense). I added a calendar for those of you who don't know what day it is, some fish (OH MY GOD FISH), and of course, a new header!

Yep, it's almost 2013, and you all know what that means! Well, actually, you probably don't. But it means it's time to unveil my new, hand-drawn title for G-Force! Check this baby out!

Yes, it's pretty parkour. The Soviet Russia-style letterhead, the Official Vertco Seal of Approval, the flattering drawings of me and my cat, P-nut... it all works. At least, until 2014, when I'll get bored with THIS one and draw another. Maybe I'll do the next one in color... nah, too much effort.

In the background, you can see assorted crap from my junk drawer, or as I call it, DISTRICT NINE. Yeah, that's right. There's a lot of secrets in District Nine. There's a bunch of assorted aviators, a rubber chicken, a lava lamp, a knife concealed inside a refrigerator magnet (don't ask), a jumbo-size whoopee cushion, an Olmec Indian mask, a few dozen broken watches, and some masking tape. 

So, that's it for now. Check back in about a year. Then again, if the world ends in 2012, I won't be blogging again any time soon. Still, that's a nice suit I'm wearing in the picture. And if anyone wants to give me feedback, positive, negative, or otherwise, please say something in the comments... which have been going unused for quite some time now.

Bye!

The Twinkie Defense

G-Force has suffered a real hit this week. After our biggest month ever (October, with 831 hits) we now have November, which is shaping up to be our worst month ever. It's the 17th and we've only had 280 so far. So just refresh this page a few dozen times, just to help me out a little. I don't sell ad space, so I have to make money by advertising right in the posts. Remember that whole blog about Chik-fil-a? Yeah, that's right. Eighty bucks, right there. Not to mention the yearly SF Car Show, which was sponsored by Red Bull last year. This year, Eggo outbid them by 25 cents and is my official sponsor. Expect my 2013 Car Show lineup in about a week!

I can't spend all my time talking about my blog's nonexistent revenue, so here's a real news story for you: No, I'm not talking about Israel and Hamas having a good old-fashioned surface-to-air missile fight. And no, I'm not talking about General David Petraeus' affair(s). It's funny-- He's part of the secret service. So couldn't he at least be secretive about getting serviced?

But no, I'm talking about a catastrophe much larger than any of those things. Something that will rock the very foundations of America and all that it stands for. A disaster so hideous that no family in the western hemisphere will be safe. I'm talking, of course, about Twinkies.


Yes, these artificially-flavored butter-grease cream filled lumps o' goodness are officially OFF THE SHELVES, as the Hostess corporation has finally thrown in the towel amidst labor disputes. It filed Chapter 11 for bankruptcy this week, meaning that these beautifully crafted pastry cakes lovingly jammed full of Yellow Dye #5 will never be seen again. Unless, of course, someone finds one of them within the next fifty years. They'll still be fresh.

Not only will Twinkies be gone, but so will their comrades in arms: Snowballs, Ho-Hos, Hostess Cupcakes... all confined to the dustbin of American pastry history. And until someone opens a pastry museum, these poor little things will never see the light of day again.

A sad, sad day for us all. Goodbye.

The 2012 G-force Coverage of the Republican Presidential Race: Part Seven: SUPER TUESDAY!!!

It has... not happened. All Republicans thought that they would be forced to support Mitt Romney as of yesterday, but the results were STILL inconclusive. Gingrich won Georgia (another great thing that lame-ass state has done for us), and the two biggest prizes, Ohio and Tennessee, were split between Rick Santorum (Google his name!) and the Blandmeister himself, Mitt Romney. There were also votes cast last night in Oklahoma, Alaska, Idaho, Massachusetts, North Dakota, Virginia, and Vermont, all of which were divided up between the two front-runners.

Now, for those of you who depend on a semi-sociopathic 14-year-old's blog for all your election coverage, I'm sorry: I can't give you the in-depth info that you'll get from places like CNN or MSNBC. I can't deliver on eye-popping infographics. And I don't have a board of professional political analyzers to comment on Super Tuesday: Part One. But what I DO have is a certain set of skills. Skills I've acquired over a long blogging career. Skills that make me a nightmare for readers like you. You keep reading my post, and that'll be the end of it. I will not hunt you. But if you DO stop reading my blog... I will hunt you. I will find you. And I will subject you to 12 hours of obscure movie references like this one. So, without further ado, the election results, PLEASE!

Purple is Santorum, teal is Romney, and orange is Gingrich. By the way, nothing rhymes with 'orange'? 'Georgia' comes close.

Now, there is one interesting discrepancy in the election results: Both states that have voted for Gingrich (Georgia and South Carolina) are right next to each other. Which explains my long-running theory: The south has something odd it its water supply. And to my readers from the south... how many fingers am I holding up?

In other news, Apple unveiled the new iPad 3, complete with an app that allows you to communicate with Steve Jobs in the afterlife. Actually, Steve believed in reincarnation, so maybe all the people who say he's in heaven are wrong. He's back here on Earth in another form. Maybe he was reincarnated as a Chinese worker forced to piece together iPad 3's for his whole life. You never know.

Bye!

New Crap...

Oh, hiya! As I'm sure you've noticed, there have been a few major changes to my blog site. I need to describe them now, mainly because they'll undoubtedly be changed sometime, and I'd like my blog templates to be remembered.The biggest change was the background, which went from being plain orange to a pattern of circles, including Yin and Yang, The Death Star, and Earth. Unfortunately, the middle has been eclipsed by my actual blog content, omitting the other circles (The Vertco Logo, Smiley Face, Nuclear symbol). Here's a pic of the full background:

I also edited the title, which is now a self-portrait coupled with some weird typeface for the G-Force logo. I'll almost definitely keep it, it's pretty parkour.

Also, my survey is over, and The Shark Steam Mop won in a landslide. As you may remember, I divined that The Shark Steam Mop was the best candidate for the GOP to win with in 2012. The results are in, and a whopping 100% of voters have voted for The Shark Steam Mop. No one knows just what impact this will have on the GOP race, but it definitely changes the status of previous front-runner Mitt Romney.

Bye!

'News' of the World

So, I haven't blogged for a while, and I need to catch up on what's been going on in the world, specifically Britian. An ancient tabloid called News of the World (which is an outlandishly stupid name) has apparently done some very bad things. Let's recap, SHALL WE?

1) News of the World hacked into the cell phones of victims of 9/11

2) They also hacked the phones of british soldiers who had been killed during tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, hoping to get some inside information.

3) They hacked the phone of a missing girl, and actually deleted some messages, causing the family of the girl and the police to believe that she was alive, and deleting the messages herself. She was later found to be dead.

4) This may be the most egregious of them all: They hacked Hugh Grant. How DARE you, News of the World? It's one thing to hack the phones of people who died tragic deaths, and then publish your findings in a tabloid, but to HACK HUGH GRANT? Despicable.

Now, technically, I'm not supposed to be reporting on this. You see, G-Force and its subsidiaries (Wikininja and Vertpac) are owned entirely by Newscorp, which also owns News of the World and FOX 'News'. The entire system is owned by Rupert Murdoch, the Australian five-time winner of the 'Biggest Asshole' award for excellence in the field of being an asshole. But it's my job as a thirteen year-old blogger to report on this, and that's what I'm gonna do. Unfortunately, FOX doesn't have the guts that I do.

You see, a group of FOX reporters were sitting around during a commercial break, and thought it would be fun to talk about the subject and throw the conversation up on the web. Well, that didn't go so good-- They ended up sitting there saying things like 'Does anyone want to talk about the subject we're not supposed to talk about?' It's a little frustrating... wait. My phone's ringing. I gotta take this.

What? LORD MURDOCH! Uh... yeah. Well... it's just a blog. Yes. I did say News of the World was despicable. No. NO! NOT THE RACK! PLEASE! I'LL BE GOOD! I'LL BE GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!....

<< His great and powerful exaltedness, blessings and peace be upon him.

Fear my Semi-Colorful Graphs!

Well, I've almost done it.

G-Force is almost at record gains this month. And it's all thanks to you, my semi-faithful readers. Here's the graph to prove it:

That's my blog's entire history ever since I started posting. This month is about to beat out October 2010, which is my highest readership ever at 641 views! This month has 575, so if you must, keep refreshing the page to boost my hit count! No, actually, don't do that. But I would like to know what made October so popular...

Oh my god. I was blogging about TETRIS. TETRIS TETRIS TETRIS TETRIS TETRIS. TETRIS. If that doesn't help my hit count, I don't know what will.

Two weeks from now, I'm participating in a two-mile race to raise money for my school. HA! Actually, I'm only doing it to get two free passes from two mile runs in PE. We run a mile every Wednesday, and my crazy friend Cody runs to army marches on his iPod. Odd.

Well, whatever. If getting my school money is the cost of two free mile passes, so be it.

Bye!

G-force International II

Time for a big shout-out to anyone reading this blog across the world!!! G-force has been read by people in Slovenia, Malaysia, Germany, Denmark, India, France, Canada, Brazil, Russia, and China! By the way, if you are reading this from China:

WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? IF THE GOVERNMENT FINDS OUT YOU'RE SURFING THE WEB, YOU'RE TOAST! DROP THE MOUSE, NOW!!!

If you're reading this from Brazil, cumprimentos de America! Como esta indo? Yeah, that's right. I can speak PORTUGUESE. And I did NOT use the online translator. I didn't.

Here's a pic of all the countries my blog has been viewed in this week:

So, I'm waiting on you other countries. Especially the other English-speaking ones like Australia and England. When I'm in Europe this summer, I'll try to spread my blog address around.

Sayonara, Capybara!

G-force International

I was playing Scrabble the other day when I realized I was 32 points behind the lead (my mom). I panicked, and put down crazy words like 'mete'. That's a completely ridiculous word. I barely even know what it means.

Anyway, I won the game with 44 points for my historic play of the word 'pjet' (pronounced pee-yet). It stands for pulse jet, but I just like saying it that way. When I Googled it, my parents didn't look at the page long enough to see it was an abbreviation. MWAHAHA!

This game is really annoying. I only played this time because my parents let me use swear words and spanish phrases. 'Tarea' got me 18 points!

I just figured out how to check my blog's views. It has a chart of all the countries in the world and color-codes them depending on how many times people there have viewed my blog! So far, people in Brazil, Ukraine, the Netherlands, Russia, and Germany have seen my blog, and altogether 2,707 different people have seen my blog! WHOO!

I always liked Ukraine.

Bye!

My First Blog of 2010!!!

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, people-iferous persons! As you recall, I'm trying to begin every one of my blogs a different way, so this is today's. I haven't blogged for seven days straight, putting this record up there with my August record of seven days and my November record of eight. All right!

I recently realized that I begin about 99.9 percent of my sentences with the phrase 'You know what I hate?' As you may have guessed, I am a major pessimist. Unlike some optimists I know, I suspect that the world will end in 2012, or 2032, or at least in a few million years. I also know that no matter what we do, Earth will be consumed by the giant fireball that will be the sun in a few billion years, so nothing I do now will matter one shmuffing bit. As you may have guessed, I also am an atheist. By the groans I just heard across the nation, many of the people reading this are not. But, as I said above, that doesn't matter one bit.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is the geography bee that I just signed up for. At the time of this writing, it is Thursday, January 7. So if you are reading this on a day past Monday, January 11 (the day of the bee) DON'T SPOIL WHAT HAPPENS---NOOO!!! So, anyway, I found this shmuffing good site for studying the geo bee. Click HERE for the link.

And another great site I found recently... Totallylookslike.com, where you compare people, cartoons, and suchlike that look alike. For instance, someone noticed that Joe Liebermann totally looks like Darth Sidious from Star Wars. Click HERE for totallylookslike.com.

And finally, I recently realized that many people who work here at G-Force_ratings go uncredited time and again as I make blogs. So here... for your reading pleasure... are the brains behind G-Force.

The Joker, our senior image designer.

Bob 'Bananas' Roberts, our chief scriptwriter.

Samantha Eatyourbrains, our feature designer.

Google, our reference source.

Alfred E. Neuman, our editor-in-chief.

Jar Jar Binks, and Wall-e, our demographic board.

And our college intern, Biff.

I hope you enjoyed that. But I'm worried that this blog site will mash all that stuff together or something stupid like that. Bye!