IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT, and I don't feel fine. I think it's time we addressed the fact that, even though we don't like it, our glory days are over. It's time we realized that, as much as we like to deny it, we've ruined ourselves yet again. It's time we took a step back and took a nice, long look at the quagmire that we've landed ourselves in. I'm speaking, of course, of Scott Brown, the new Republican senator from Massachusetts. Wow. Leave it to the Democrats to find some idiot who can lose Ted Kennedy's senate seat to a Republican nude model in one of the most liberal states in the country. But hey, we found an idiot to lose to 'Dubbya' Bush a couple of times. So, who's this estranged, idiotic, demented whackjob who has the I.Q. of that new fish they discovered that clings onto your... well, you get the idea. So, anyway, who was this mystery person who has somehow ruined our 60-seat majority? Who? Is it Vermin Supreme, the crazy guy from New Hampshire who wears a boot on his head every time he gives a speech? Is it John 'I can't keep it in my pants' Edwards? Or is it Hillary 'My husband can't keep it in his pants' Clinton? Well, no more betting, because I'm about to show the a picture of one of the biggest idiots E-VER.
That's her?
Wow, I was expecting more of a John Kerry/Al Gore type of dude. So, what lost us the Massachusetts senate seat to a Republican who poses nude for sleazy magazines? Well, she didn't help up a homeless person who was knocked over by one of her own supporters. She ran her campaign like a Ralph Nader impersonator. But, that's pretty much it. Well, you know, this isn't SUCH an awful thing. I mean, we've been in worse situations. It's not like the fate of the country depends on this.
"The outcome of this senate race will define our country's future" -FOX news correspondent, 1/18/10.
Well, I won't get TOO worried about it. In a state like, say, Texas, a Massachusetts Republican is still considered, like, a pro-gay marriage liberal Democrat, so, maybe we're not dead yet. We need 60 votes to pass health care, and maybe we can convince Brownie to, maybe, um, let's say... defect?
Senator Elect Scott Brown: The Male Palin? -Headline from the Huffington Post, 1/25/10.
F********************************!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, f***, s***, f***!!!! Oh, crap!!! We're totally f***ed!!! And besides, even with Scottie in there, we still have a 59 seat majority! I don't know where the senate learned to do math, but it wasn't where I go to school, because it seems we have a bit of a conflict. You know, Massachusetts, I would expect this kind of behavior from, say, Arkansas. But not you, Massachusetts. Not you.
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