Today, my viability as a candidate. Now, we all know the different requirements for president: a strong understanding of issues, charisma, patriotism, relatability...
Okay, let's cut the crap. It boils down to three things:
1) Money. Lots of it. If you don't have this, you're so screwed it's not even funny.
2) Beer. Who wants to have a beer with you. This is very, very important. If you don't occasionally volunteer to be the designated driver, America will punch you in the nose and leave the bar before the cops come.
3) Amount of stars/stripes in your logo. This is the biggest and most important of all. So after careful consideration, I've chosen this as my "ME 2012" logo:
This picture relates to both Republicans, Democrats, and, of course, Hippies. Some might contest whether or not this logo will reach out to the average American voter, but it's better than the other choice:
I don't even know what store this is for. Probably Macy's.
Now, let's check my candidacy's viability at my incredibly awesome SITUATION NOOK!!!
Now, unknown newscasters, let's see what you've got. Hmm? Oh. Yes, yes, I see.
WONDERFUL NEWS! As a 13-year-old, I don't have a sordid and disgusting past!!! I'm good to go! All I need now is my team of advisors. Who to choose, who to choose...
Aaah, but of course.
Bye!
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