KING TUT'S PENIS IS MISSING!!! DUH-DUH-DUUUUH!!!
When Tut was discovered in 1922, his 'staff' was attached in its correct position. But when his body was re-inspected in 1968, his 'little Nile' had gone missing! The Egyptian government kept it under wraps, because whoever had possession of the 'royal scepter' could resurrect the dead and control an unstoppable army. Fortunately, the Nazis hadn't gotten it back in the forties, so they knew whoever had it was just a regular schmoe.
For decades, the undercover hunt continued. False leads were explored. Until a breakthrough in June 2010: A former museum curator had recently 'come into wealth' and bought a mansion in Dubai, retiring in luxury. You know what this means, right?
HE SOLD KING TUT'S PENIS ON THE BLACK MARKET!!! DUH-DUH-DUUUUUH!!!
Now, being the one of the most prominent figures in the black market, I put together a crack team of historians and mummified penis experts and tried to retrieve the 'royal cobra'. I went to great ends to find it; I flew in a private jet to the Pyramids of Giza, thinking it might have had its own sarcophagus. I went to Lake Tahoe and battled ninja assassins and telepathic mind control monks, but the 'elongated pyramid' that they were guarding was just a forgery!!! Then the museum people found it lying in the sand around the mummified corpse of Tut.
About time, too. I was running out of penis euphemisms.
But first, consider the following: Before you start throwing a 'We found the penis' party, some believe Tut's penis WAS SWAPPED!
Yes. A penis forgery. Hard to believe. Probably because it's completely insane. You see, Tut's 'Nile Crocodile' was unusually small. This leads some to think that modern Egyptians stole the actual 'Little Mummy' and replaced it with a forgery.
I guess we'll never know.
Not if I have anything to say about it! I will keep you updated on the story...
OF KING TUT'S PENIS!!!
Bye!
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