Brace Yourselves...

You know what I hate? Dentists. I don't know why I should trust these shady creeps with my teeth. I'm sure half of the stuff they stick in your mouth is just for fun. They want to see how many gadgets they can shove down your throat before you say 'Okay, REALLY?' If we didn't do that, they might shove in a golf ball or something. Then they probably go into a back room and have a big laugh about it with all their dentist buddies. The turds. I despise each and every one of them.

Hence, I had to get braces yesterday. I fought like Rocky Balboa in Rocky I, though. And they deserved it. I took those air jets and shoved them up their nostrils. Suckers.

Anyway, off that topic. It annoys me. Something I'm REALLY looking forward to, though, is Sudan splitting in half! This year, we may have a brand-new country on our hands. A vote is going through on whether or not to split the largest nation in Africa into two parts. This is FANTASTIC news. The more countries there are, the better Vertco does. We buy put options on all the stocks of the new country, triggering a credit downgrade and instant bankruptcy! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I am evil.

Also, this new country needs a name, and since 'South Sudan' doesn't sound so good, I decided to submit some names of my own. TELL me this doesn't sound like a perfect name for a country: Maramast. It's beautiful. And if that doesn't work, how about Thioshinia? I practically have a dictionary in my head full of great ideas for country names. How about Hyporia? Maybe Iostaccia? So, all I'm asking is for 16 million dollars to be mailed right to me, and 'South Sudan' can have all the rights and royalties to a patented Vertco country name! Maybe Sorraj? Troiesque? Phiforia? OOH! OOH! I know! Turdistan!

Anyway, I defy anyone to come up with a better name than one of those. They're perfect. So I suggest that South Sudan buys one before some other country with a crappy name buys it first. Yeah, I'm looking at YOU, Moldova. You too, San Marino.

And the chaos continues in Northern Africa and the Middle East. Syria has shut down its citizen's internet connection, there are stirrings in Morocco and Jordan, and Algeria is freaking out as well. By the way, Jordan? You may need a name change. How about Arasachra? Kind of just rolls off your tongue, doesn't it? ARASACHRA. Nice.

Bye!