Indiana Graham and the Search for the Pharaoh's Schlong: Part Two: The Res-Erection

Readers, I bring more shocking news of King Tut's Royal Scepter! A man named Uri Gheller recently bought to a $40,000 island off the coast of Scotland. Now, this island is named after King Tut's half-sister, who moved there after falling out with the Egyptian royal family. She allegedly brought with her some 'ancient artifacts', that have never been discovered. You know what this means, right?

SHE BROUGHT KING TUT'S PENIS WITH HER! DUH, DUH, DUUUUUUH!!!

If that's not enough, you should hear about Uri. He did a TV series where he bent spoons using only his mind and trick spoons. SPOOKY. I believe he is some sort of supernatural creature who has manifested himself into an ethereal quasi-human form. Or he's a douchebag with no money who decided to prey on people's gullibility by pretending to bend spoons with his mind. Either way, he's WEIRRRD.

But this goes even deeper, just like Inception. Just when I was about to go to Egypt and search for the 'Staff of Ra', a revolution broke out! Coincidence? Or not? This gives new credibility to the theory that Egyptian officials prevented archaeologists from inspecting the 'Royal Jewels' because Tut had a disease that made his schlong like the Sphinx's nose--- A BIT TOO SMALL! DUH, DUH, DUUUUUUUH!!!!

And during this revolt, some terrorists escaped from a Cairo prison. This can lead to only one conclusion:

AL-QAEDA HAS KING TUT'S PENIS!!! DUH, DUH, DUUUUUUUH!!!

This is not good, as some people believe King Tut's 'little cartouche' possesses supernatural powers. And when reunited with its 'Eyes of Ra', it could be used to conquer the entire planet!

So, I'm flying to Cairo tonight. I must prevent Al-Qaeda from uniting the 'ancient obelisks' and destroying America!

Sleep well tonight!

Also, another interesting tie-in: Last year, when we were studying our Egypt unit in class, I saw Tut's sarcophagus (no, not a euphemism. An actual sarcophagus). I had a plan to steal the thing with the mummy inside. If I had, maybe all of this could have been avoided. What a shame.

No, actually, it's not. I've milked two blogs out of this so far. Expect more!

Bye!