I stole Donald Trump's private jet and flew to Uzbekistan (I fortunately have a lot of piloting experience). Now, I don't know if I said this before, but I am the world's greatest treasure hunter. I figure out the locations of ancient tombs and 'Missing Niles' using my extensive knowledge of the massive egos of dead dictators/tyrants. In this case, I thought of what we know about Genghis Khan: He was a brutal, head-removing murderer and a tactical military genius. So, right there, we can rule out Mongolia. He would never put something as secretive and important as his tomb in such an obvious place.
Now, at the peak of the Mongol Empire, Uzbekistan was included in Khan's territories. A battle in present-day Uzbekistan was fought, and later called 'Khan's greatest victory'. It is my belief that his tomb resides in the mountainous regions around Uzbekistan. But unfortunately, the city he conquered has been lost to the ages. No one knows where it is.
Except me.
Using the sound principles of wealth and power, I located Khan's tomb. The only problem is getting there. I'm writing this post from a laptop on the plane, which I put on autopilot. Right now, I'm just over Lebanon. I should reach Uzbekistan soon enough. The only problem is: Can Khan's lost tomb undo the effects of Japan's nuclear reactor and the plague of zombies across America? I think there are some secrets in that tomb that will shock and amaze every person on the planet, if they aren't zombies.
If there is any zombie resistance out there: Be strong.
And now it's time for a copyrighted Vertco® post-script!
Above are instructions on building your own personal nuclear reactor. You can use it to power your entire house! Just be warned: if it goes meltdown, your dog may grow nine extra heads. If this occurs, bury the radioactive material in your neighbor's backyard. Don't worry, it should be safe in roughly 10,000 years.
Bye!
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